Dear Queenie,
Last time I was at the Government Building a man who was walking ahead of me stepped aside and motioned for me to go first through the door, so I ended up ahead of him in the Receiver’s line.
It doesn’t seem fair that he should have to wait longer because he was so polite.
Queenie, what do you think?—Chivalry Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
I think you could have offered to let the gentleman go ahead of you in the Receiver’s line, but even if you did, he might not have accepted your offer.
Am I being cynical for thinking that if you are an attractive young (or even no-so-young) woman he might have been enjoying the view from behind you?
Dear Queenie,
A very good friend of mine has been arrested for a very serious crime, one I strongly disapprove of. He never said anything about it to me, but as far as I know he is not claiming to be innocent either.
I know friends should stick to friends, but like I said, I strongly disapprove of what he is accused of, plus being associated to him could cause me serious problems at my job and socially.
Queenie, what should I do?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
All you can do is wait and see how this mess turns out. Even if your friend is found not guilty at trial, there may be some doubt, depending on the reasons for the verdict. Remember, there is a difference between “we do not have enough evidence to prove him guilty” and “there is proof that he is innocent.”
Until then, and maybe even afterward, sorry to say, it would be best to keep your distance from your friend.
Dear Queenie,
I am responding to the Monday, October 1, edition of Queenie. I don’t believe the sister-in-law and brother-in-law should pursue any serious relationship.
I don't know anything about this person and am sorry to hear that he lost his wife.
Queenie, I have been single for a while now and if he is interested in dating again, please give him my email address. I would love to meet this person.—Faithful fan
Dear Fan,
l also do not believe these two people should pursue any serious relationship. That is why I advised the letter-writer to hire someone else than his sister-in-law to take care of his house and children and to look elsewhere for companionship.
This column is not a dating service and I do NOT give out any information about the people who write to me.
I will give you the same advice I gave the October 1 letter-writer: if you are looking for companionship, join a social group and/or a service club and let it be known that you are available. You will find you have more opportunities than you can handle. And who knows? You might even meet up with the person who wrote the October 1 letter.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are very well-off financially-speaking and when we go out for a treat they insist on paying for everything, even though I am also quite well-off and can easily afford to pay my own way. I wouldn’t mind so much if they would let me treat them on special occasions, but even on their own birthdays they insist on picking up the check.
Queenie, I would like to give them a treat at least once at least in a while, but how can I get them to let me do it?—Not broke son
Dear Not broke,
When you want to give your parents a treat, arrange for payment in advance. For example, when planning a party at a restaurant, give your parents a gift certificate from the restaurant for a meal for however many persons the event will include, and then let your parents “pay” for the occasion with the gift certificate.
Or, if you plan to go to a certain restaurant, arrange for payment with the manager when you get there (or even at the time you make the reservations). Then when you are ready to leave and your parents want to pick up the check, the waiter/waitress or the manager can tell them it has already been taken care of and he (or she) hopes they enjoyed the meal.
However, be prepared for a possible less-than-pleasant reaction from your parents. Apparently they take great pride in being able to pay their own way and even give you a treat. Why deny them the pleasure? That too is a kind of gift.
Dear Queenie,
My mother always says she doesn’t want any gifts on special occasions and if I give her something anyway she says she didn’t want any gifts and then makes all sorts of rude comments about the way it is wrapped and what is she supposed to do with whatever it is.
Queenie, what am I doing that is so wrong?—Fed-up daughter
Dear Daughter,
You are ignoring your mother’s statements that she does not want to receive any gifts. Try, just once, not giving her a gift and see what she says then. If she says nothing, or even thanks you for not giving her anything, you will know you are conforming with her expressed wishes.
If you feel you must give a gift to honour a special occasion, try making a donation in your mother’s name to her favourite charity and give her a card from them acknowledging the donation. If even that is too much for her, at least you will have tried to find a compromise between her feelings and yours.
