Dear Queenie,
My sister wants to bring her husband and her boyfriend to all our holiday parties and both her husband and her boyfriend seem to be okay with this arrangement.
My husband and I don’t want to go because we don’t want our kids to think this is a proper arrangement. My mother hosts all these parties and she says if they are okay with it she doesn’t mind.
Queenie, what do you think?—Holiday Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
If your children are young enough to accept the extra guest as just a “good friend” of their aunt and uncle, do not make an issue of this unusual arrangement even if you yourselves do not like your sister’s “third wheel.”
However, if the children are old enough to understand that there is some kind of romantic involvement there, either make other plans for the holidays or make sure to explain to them that you do not approve, but do not want to boycott the rest of the family because of it.
Dear Queenie,
I have an amazing family – parents, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins – and I am close to all of them.
I know it is only natural that I will lose the older ones eventually, but the thought of that happening scares me because I don’t know if I will be able to handle the grief.
Queenie, I need help with this.—Afraid of losing them
Dear Afraid,
Your feelings are normal, although somewhat premature.
The hardest part of losing someone you love is regretting the things you would have wanted them to know but you never told them. So, spend as much time with them as you can and tell them as often as you can how much you care for them. And be sure to be the kind of person to whom they can be proud and happy to be related.
Dear Queenie,
I went out with this guy last night and just fell in love with him right away. Now I can’t sleep for thinking he might not like me as much and waiting for him to call me for another date.
Queenie, how long should I wait for him to call me and how do I get over it if he doesn’t?—Lady-in-waiting
Dear Lady,
What you are going through is a crush, not real love.
Real love is built on shared experiences and emotions over a fairly long period of time, which you do not have with “this guy.”
Wait a few days for him to call. If he has not called after a week has passed, feel free to give him a “Hi, how are you?” call and see how he responds. However, do not be surprised if he does not show much interest and do not take matters any further unless he does.
Dear Queenie,
My wife is always on her iPhone checking e-mail or texting someone or using one of the apps.
I’m not the only one who has noticed. Even our children complain that they can’t get her attention long enough to talk to her about anything.
I tried to talk to her about this but she just made excuses about looking up things she needs for her job or just spending a little time having fun.
Queenie, how do I get her to put down her phone and spend some time enjoying real life?—Smart phone widower
Dear Phone widower,
The problem may be that your wife does not enjoy the responsibilities of “real life” as much as she does her addiction to her iPhone.
Make a list of your activities when you are together – driving, eating a meal, etc. – and – together – pick the ones when you feel it is important to have her attention. For example, she can play with the phone while you are driving, but must turn it off when you are eating a meal together.
And certainly, she must be prepared to give your children her full attention when they want to talk to her, even if the matter seems trivial to her!
Dear Queenie,
My husband is still friends with his ex-wife and if you ask me they are much too friendly for exes. They don’t have any kids, but they still talk to each other all the time and the way they talk is more like lovers than just friends.
He says there is nothing going on for me to worry about but I’m not so sure about that.
Queenie, what do you think?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Ask your husband if he is really committed to your marriage, or would he go back to his ex-wife if she gave him the chance. If he is fully committed to your marriage, he should cut back on the contact with his ex for your sake. If he cannot do that, you need to examine your options carefully and decide what you want to do.
