Dear Queenie,
I’m a vegetarian and when I went to a barbecue at a friend’s house he was kind enough to make some “veggie burgers” just for me. Someone else asked me if I would do the same if I had a party at my house, meaning would I serve meat to my guests. I said “no” and he said that would be selfish of me.
Queenie, was he right?—I don’t eat meat
Dear Don’t eat meat,
Guests who have good manners do not complain about what their hosts do or do not serve at a party. They eat and drink what they like and ignore the rest.
Your friends know you are a vegetarian. As long as you serve plenty of fruits, vegetables and other things your guests will eat, you do not have to serve any kind of meat.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a woman in my 30s, educated and attractive, but it seems like all the men I meet are much younger than I am or kind of stupid or gay.
Queenie, I don’t like hanging out in bars, so how do I meet a nice guy?—Still single
Dear Still single,
You need to meet a lot of guys, many of whom will not meet your requirements, to meet a few who do meet them. Go places, including stopping by a bar or two for “happy hour” and maybe flirting with one or two of the other patrons. Throw parties for your friends and let them know what kind of guy you are looking for so if they know one they can bring him with them. Join a service club and/or community service organisation – not all the male members will be married or otherwise “attached.”
And keep in mind that “uneducated” is not the same as “stupid.”
Dear Queenie,
I go to high school and I’m the smartest one in my class. I make jokes about everything, but I am careful not to hurt anyone’s feelings. I read on a university level and have read many of the books that will be assigned when I go to university. I also do volunteer service and I have tried to be friends with the ones no one else seems to like.
My problem is that the ones I thought were my friends say I am not very nice.
Queenie, why would they say that and what can I do about it?—Teenager
Dear Teenager,
You seem very self-centred – every sentence in your letter has the word “I” in it more than once. Your friends may think everything you do is just because you want to be admired.
Try to show interest in what your friends are doing and how they feel about things. Do not make jokes, because your “jokes” may seem sarcastic to your friends. Try to make your friends feel that they are important to you. Most of all, try to develop a sense of humility.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter has a good job with good pay but she always has a lot of credit card debt. We try to help her out because if we don’t she won’t let us see our grandchildren.
Queenie, how can we get her to not spend so much and to pay up on her debts?—Worried grandparents
Dear Grandparents,
Try get your daughter to talk to a financial advisor, who will help her set up a budget she can afford on her own and who probably will advise her to get rid of all her credit cards. Remind her that you will not always be around to help pay her debts, and if you have to continue doing so, you will not have anything to leave her and her children when you are gone – and what will she do then?
And you might want to set up anything you want to leave to the grandchildren in a trust fund that your daughter cannot get her hands on.
Dear Queenie,
Everyone in my family have always been too fat and now that they have families of their own their children are too fat too.
I’m the only one who has tried to control their weight and when I suggest to them that it would be better for their health if they would lose some weight and that I will be glad to help them do it, they just laugh at me and tell me that is how it is in our family.
I know that that is not necessarily true because I manage to keep a healthy weight by keeping to a strict diet and getting lots of exercise.
Queenie, I worry about them. Is there anything I can do for them?—Worried relative
Dear Relative,
Your relatives must want to lose weight before they will even try to do so. All you can do for them is set a good example and let them know you will be there to help them if and when they decide to do it.
