Dear Queenie,
My grandmother passed away recently after years of illness. My mother, who is retired, was the one who took care of her, a full-time job.
Now I’m worried about my mother. In addition to grieving for her mother, she gave up everything else to look after her and now she has nothing to do and nowhere to turn.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Worried son
Dear Son,
Your mother may need some time to mourn the passing of her mother. However, you can help her get back in touch with old friends and social activities as she becomes ready for them.
You can also contact senior citizens’ groups, the White and Yellow Cross Care Foundation and other service organisations for help and suggestions.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend calls me pet names and says he loves me, but when I suggested we start dating he said he’s not ready for that, but he wants us to stay best friends.
Queenie, should I stop seeing him altogether or should we just stay best friends?—Ready for dating
Dear Ready,
You may be ready to start dating your best friend, but apparently he is not, or at least he is not ready for an exclusive relationship.
Loving someone and being “in love” with them are not the same thing. Solid relationships are built on strong friendship and trust.
For the time being, keep up your friendship with this man, but feel free to see/date others too, and see what develops.
Dear Queenie,
When we are staying with friends or family on vacation my wife doesn’t like to have sex because she doesn’t like the idea of someone else knowing that we are doing it.
Queenie, is there a rule of etiquette about this?—House guest Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Among the rules of etiquette for house guests are: Do not make a mess or a lot of noise or any other kind of disturbance.
As long as you do it quietly and in private (your bedroom), having sex with your wife in someone else’s home is not against the rules, so relax and enjoy it – quietly.
Dear Queenie,
Every year we get a handmade Christmas card from one of our relatives and her son.
Queenie, why don’t they go out and buy real cards? Why are some people so cheap?—Scrooge
Dear Scrooge,
People who handmake their Christmas cards by hand invest a lot more money in materials, plus the time and effort (and love) involved in the making, than those who just go out and buy them.
Who is calling whom “cheap”?
Dear Queenie,
When we got divorced my husband got to keep the house where we always lived and raised our children, because it was in his name and he paid me out for what would have been my share, but I got custody of our teenage children, a boy and a girl.
Now my children want to go live with their father in the house where they grew up and all their friends live nearby and go the same school, especially my daughter who thinks the divorce is all my fault, but my son also wants to live with his father.
Queenie, I want to do what is best for them. What do you think that is?—Divorcee
Dear Divorcee,
Assuming your ex-husband actually wants custody of his children and is a good provider and a good father, it will probably be good for them to live with him in a familiar neighbourhood near all their friends and their school, especially as they are old enough to be given a say in the decision-making process. And especially your son will benefit from having his father’s influence.
But be sure to arrange to have time with them, as having their mother in their lives is also important.
