Dear Queenie,
Our adult children live abroad and all have good jobs, but when they visit us here they expect us to pick them up at the airport, let them stay with us, take them around like a taxi and treat them to all their meals.
Queenie, isn’t this just too much?—Fed-up parents
Dear Parents,
Of course it is, but as long as you let your children take advantage of you they will continue to do so.
The next time any of them is/are planning a visit, let them know in advance, as tactfully as you can manage, that you will not be available for taxi service and free meals, so they had better plan to rent a car and take you out to dinner at least part of the time they are here. And if you also want to suggest that they stay at a hotel, feel free to do so.
Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t like any of the clothes I wear because he thinks they make other men look at me too much. It’s not like I wear anything sexy, he just doesn’t like anything I wear.
Queenie, how can I get him to lighten up?—Dressing down
Dear Dressing down,
It is not really the clothes you wear that your husband does not like, it is the fact that other men find you attractive to look at. I recommend professional counselling for both of you, separately or together – for him to learn to cope with his insecurity and jealousy, and for you to learn to cope with his attitude and behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
I am dating a man in his 50s who has a great sense of humor, is very good to me and is a good handyman.
However, I don’t know who his friends are because he says I wouldn’t like them because they drink and use dope. He has a bad temper and gets into loud arguments with people who disagree with him. Also, he doesn’t have a regular job. He lives with his parents and works part-time here and there and helps his parents around their house and in their business.
I would like to get married, but none of my family think he is right for me and he says he isn’t ready because he doesn’t know me well enough.
I love him and he says he loves me but he isn’t ready for marriage because he doesn’t know me well enough.
Queenie, should I stick with him until he is ready?—Ready for marriage
Dear Ready,
Why on earth would you want to make a lifetime commitment to a bad-tempered 50+-year-old man who still lives with his parents because he doesn’t earn enough to support himself and who apparently likes to hang out with drinkers and dopers? There are worse things than being alone!
And you are still free to look for someone else who would make a good life-partner.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and I have never been able to get along with each other and whenever we are in the same room with each other it gets to be an argument. I would like to at least be able to visit my parents and have a family get-together but it always turns unpleasant.
I have children and I wouldn’t like it if things were this way between them.
Queenie, is there any way to fix this?—Brotherly unlove
Dear Brotherly unlove,
Professional counselling might help you and your brother work out your differences, or learn to be at least civil to each other. But if you cannot get him to go, or if counselling does not work out, I am sure your parents would prefer to have the two of you visit them separately.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is godfather to his brother’s children. One time at a family dinner the wife was very affectionate toward my boyfriend and he told me later that he had had sex with her one time before she married his brother, but just that once.
He says he loves me and wants us to get married and spend the rest of our lives together, but I can’t get over the fact that he is still friendly with this woman and she makes it obvious that she has feelings for him even though she is married to someone else.
Queenie, what do you think?—Confused girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend has been honest with you and not tried to hide anything about this woman, but as he is her children’s godfather he will always be in contact with her.
Pre-marital counselling would help you decide whether you think you can trust him and, if so, help you find ways to deal with her. If you can get your boyfriend to go with you, so much the better.
