Dear Queenie,
My much-older brother has had no contact with me, my sister and our mother since he went to live with our father a few years after Mom and Dad got divorced.
Our mother is getting along in years and putting her affairs in order, and she has asked us that when she dies we should not notify our brother of her death for at least six months and definitely not invite him to her funeral because she doesn’t want to think of him putting on a big show of grief when he actually hasn’t spoken to her for years.
I am willing to honor her wishes, but my sister says he should be able to attend the funeral if he wants to.
Queenie, what do you say?—Respectful daughter
Dear Daughter,
They say “funerals are for the living.” If having him there will not bother you or your sister, you should discuss this with your mother, but when the time comes, the final decision will be up to the ones who are planning the funeral.
Dear Queenie,
My parents love to attend my kids’ school events and sports and watch from the audience or the stands, but they don’t often get together with them for activities they can do together.
The kids like seeing their grandparents watching from a distance, but would also love to do things together with them, even if it’s just going out for a snack or staying home and watching TV.
Queenie, what can I do about this?—Frustrated mother
Dear Mother,
Tell your parents what you have said to me – you can even show them this letter in the newspaper if you think it will help.
You can suggest some activities your children might like to share with their grandparents, but do not tell them to stop going to watch the children’s school events and sports. Those things are good too, for both the children and their grandparents.
Dear Queenie,
When I’m getting ready to go to bed and I mention to my wife that I would like to have sex with her, she says she’ll be there in a few minutes, but then she gets busy doing something or falls asleep watching TV and it’s hours before she comes to bed. She will promise to make up for it the next night, but then it’s the same thing all over again.
Queenie, should I start looking elsewhere?—Frustrated husband
Dear Husband,
I will never advise anyone to cheat on their spouse.
In your case, I advise that you start working on your approach to your wife. “Come on, honey, let’s have sex” is not a good way to get your wife “turned on”. Try working on your romantic technique. You could even ask your wife outright what she needs you to do to get her interested in having sex.
Dear Queenie,
My sister is hard to get along with and I am the last person in our family who still talks to her, but now I am getting sick of her too.
The problem is we have mostly the same friends and I don’t know what to say when they ask about her.
Any suggestions, Queenie?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
When someone asks you about your sister, just say, “She’s fine” or “Same as usual” or something along those lines. If they want more details, tell them to ask her themselves. No explanation is required.
Dear Queenie,
My sister is getting married and I am supposed to be her matron of honour, but it turns out that I am pregnant and her wedding will be about 3 months before I am due to have the baby.
Now she is mad because she thinks I will be getting more attention than her because I will be pregnant and it will ruin the wedding for her.
Queenie, what can I say to calm her down?—Expecting
Dear Expecting,
Tell your sister there is nothing you can do about being pregnant, but you will step down as matron of honour and just be a guest at her wedding if that will make her feel better. What more can you do? Does she want you to stay away altogether?
