Dear Queenie,

  My father was abusive and my mother divorced him when I was little. He never paid for child support for me and I have not had any contact with him since they got divorced.

  Now he is not able to take care of himself anymore and his relatives who have been taking care of him want me to contribute to the cost. It’s not as if they can’t afford it – they are very well-off and own their own home – but I’m not that well-off and I have a wife and children of my own and we would have to do without a lot of things if I gave his relatives any money.

  Queenie, what should I do?—Abandoned son

Dear Son,

  If your father did not support you or have any contact with you when you were a child, I do not think you owe him anything now that you are an adult.

  Think of it as “chickens coming home to roost,” or as your father having others do unto him as he did unto them.

Dear Queenie,

  My daughter and son-in-law got divorced recently and I just found out that a few months ago when she found out she was pregnant with their second child my daughter found a way to end the pregnancy because she knew they wouldn’t be together much longer.

  I am totally against abortion because it is against my religion.

  Queenie, how do I get over this and forgive my daughter?—Mourning my lost grandchild

Dear Mourning,

  I understand why your daughter did not tell you all this, knowing how you feel about such things, and I am wondering how you found out, but that is beside the point.

  Whatever your beliefs are, you have to accept the fact that others, even your own children, may not share them, and you have to accept their right to their own beliefs just as they have to accept your right to yours.

  Try to concentrate on the grandchild you have in this time that must be very difficult for him or her, not on the one that “might have been.”

Dear Queenie,

  My wife and I have been living together for about a year and got married a couple of months ago. I pay half of all the bills and buy the groceries, I help with the cooking and cleaning, take care of the yard and do repairs around the house.

  I like things neat and clean, but my wife is such a slob. When she makes a snack in the kitchen she leaves a mess on the counter and in the sink. She never picks up the things she drops around the house, so I end up doing it for her.

  Queenie, how do I get her to clean up her act?—Neat-freak husband

Dear Husband,

  How is it you did not notice these things about your wife when you were living together before you got married?

  If you talk this over with your wife you may be able to get her to pick up after herself – if not to be as neat as you would like, at least to be less sloppy. And, if you can afford it, it might help to hire a part-time, or even a full-time, housekeeper.

Dear Queenie,

  The other day when my son and I were coming out of the supermarket a couple of young punks accosted us in the parking lot and demanded that I hand over my wallet. Then they grabbed it and ran.

  Afterward my son asked me why I just gave in and didn’t try to resist them. He made me feel like I had let him down.

  Queenie, how do I make this to up him and get over it myself?—Robbed

Dear Robbed,

  If you and your son have a karate black belt, perhaps you could have resisted the robbers without getting hurt – or they might have pulled some sort of weapon on you and one or both of you might have ended up in the hospital as well as being robbed. Professional law enforcement officials advise not resisting in such cases so as to avoid being physically harmed.

  Consider yourself lucky – all you lost was money and whatever else was in your wallet, but otherwise you both came out of the encounter unharmed.