Dear Queenie,

Why do you keep telling people to go to the police when somebody is pestering them? Don’t the police have more than enough serious crimes to deal with, without having to bother with this kind of thing?

Queenie, why don’t you tell the people, or their parents if it is about children, how to deal with it themselves, instead of getting the police involved and making a mountain out of a molehill?—It’s no biggie

Dear It’s no biggie,

You’re wrong. What you call “pestering” is bullying and/or stalking, and that is definitely a “biggie.” Bullying is anti-social at best and abusive at worst. Stalking is also sick and anti-social behaviour, as well as being illegal; it is a form of mental and emotional rape.

Both are likely to escalate and should be nipped in the bud before the perpetrator does something that will “shock the entire community” and attract media reports.

The culprits must be made aware of the seriousness of their behaviour and should receive psychological treatment for the underlying causes. Also, the community must be protected from them.

The victims also need help, if only in dealing with the psychological effects of this kind of mental, emotional and often physical abuse.

Dear Queenie,

I find it unfair the way girls treat themselves, act and are treated by males. Most girls feel they have to live up to the standards of being “Flirty,” a “Diva” or any of the many labels/tags given to any teenager.

Sure, if that’s really who they are, by all means go ahead, but it doesn’t really go like that during this generation. Females wear short skirts, skimpy tops, etc., etc., just to appeal to guys.

Many of my friends who are just as pretty as the next girl wear clothes that don’t reflect their inner selves. Other than these labels/tags, teens believe they are cooler when they call themselves or others words with profanity or curse words, such as b----.

Males have a hand in this too. Guys talking about how girls look is just fine, but when it comes to them asking for a “hot chick” or “babes” it really pushes a female to want to achieve the standards guys are looking for.

Queenie, why must teens (and adults) change themselves just to be liked or have people accept them?—Female without a label

Dear Female without a label,

They don’t have to do this.

However, most teens and many adults are so uncertain about who they are and what kind of person they want to be that they frantically try to be and do what they think other people expect of them, instead of having the self-confidence to say to themselves and the rest of the world, “This is who and what I am. If you can’t accept me as I am, that’s your problem and your loss.”

Also, many teens, both girls and boys, will experiment with a number of styles and standards before they find out what suits them best.

As for the profanity and curse words, many well-brought-up children think it makes them seem more grown up to use “grown-up” language. And, sad to say, all too many children these days have been set a bad example by their elders and do not understand that using such language only makes them seem ignorant and boorish, not “grown up” at all.

Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend and I know several other couples and we often get together for coffee or a drink after work. They often make plans for outings or get-togethers right in front of us, but my boyfriend and I are never included in these conversations or asked to join them.

Queenie, is it just me, or are they being rude? And do you think I should say something to them about it?—Offended

Dear Offended,

No, it’s not just you; they are being extremely rude! But I wouldn’t bother to say anything to them. Just stop socialising with them. Don’t stop anywhere with them after work and find someone else with whom to hang out.

If any of these insensitive clods say anything to you about your change of habits, then you can tell them – not rudely – how offended you were by their behaviour. But don’t expect them to be apologetic. Rude people seldom are. They are more likely to try to put the blame on you, for being “too sensitive.” Don’t let them get away with it.

Dear Queenie,

I was with this guy for a year and some months. I love him a lot and I know he has feelings for me. During our relationship I found out that he had gotten his ex- girlfriend pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. All I could do was just cry and cry.

When our relationship ended I couldn’t seem to trust any man again. Any guy that asks me to go out, I turn them down even though they’re the good ones.

There is this guy I like and I know he likes me too because he has been troubling me almost my whole life and keeps saying that he really likes me. I really like him and I know that he would not do anything bad, because I have been hearing that he is not that type of a person.

I want to tell him “yes,” but I still don’t have any trust in any guy after my recent relationship. But I really don’t want to disappoint him. I really want a future with this guy.

Queenie, what should I do?—Confused girl

Dear Confused girl,

Level with him. Tell him you are still getting over a bad relationship and are not ready to get serious about anyone yet, but if he is willing to accept those terms you would like to go out with him. Give him a chance to persuade you that he is not like that other guy.

You can go out with a guy without getting serious about him, you know. And when you are ready, when you have recovered from your previous disappointment, you won’t have to ask me what you should do. You will know.