Dear Queenie,
I need to plan for when I retire and it would help to know what I will inherit from my parents when they are gone. I’m hoping it won’t be for a long time yet, but it would help me to know what to expect.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to ask them?—Planning my future
Dear Planning,
No one should ever expect to inherit anything from their parents or depend on it happening, because anything can happen that will change things unexpectedly, so you should make your plans based on what you can manage for yourself.
However, it would be a good idea to talk to your parents about what plans they have made for themselves, so you can be prepared to take care of them if they become unable to care for themselves and will know what their wishes are for after they are gone – that is, if they are willing to talk to you about all this. If they are not, drop the subject.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s parents have been divorced for many years and to this day my mother-in-law has nothing good to say about her ex-husband. All she does is bad-mouth him every chance she gets. Obviously she wants me to hate him, but the truth is he is a very nice man, a good father and grandfather.
Queenie, how do I get her to stop all this talk without her thinking I am taking sides against her?—Daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
Without saying anything to defend your father-in-law, when your mother-in-law starts bad-mouthing him just tell her that you do not want to hear such talk and ask her to change the subject. Or, if necessary, get up and leave.
You might also suggest that she get professional counselling to try to get over being so obsessed with and angry at her ex.
Dear Queenie,
I have been best friends with a certain person since we were children and I have always been there for her when she had a problem. However, when I had a problem recently she wouldn’t even take time to listen to me.
Later I tried to tell her how much my feelings were hurt that she wouldn’t even try to help me, but she just got mad at me for being too critical and now she won’t even talk to me.
Queenie, I don’t expect her to do everything for me like I did for her all those years, but can’t I even expect a little sympathy?—Ex-friend
Dear Ex-friend,
Apparently your former friend is better at taking help than giving it. There are many people like this, but you never noticed it until you needed her and she was not there.
Accept her limitations and hope she gets over being vexed with you.
Dear Queenie,
Lots of times I buy things with coupons or at special sales that I don’t need for myself, but I can give as gifts.
Queenie, is this okay? I don’t want to seem like a cheapskate.—Smart shopper
Dear Smart shopper,
It is nobody else’s business what you paid for the gift you give them. What is important is how much they like it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I like to go to a certain fast-food place where one of his friends also likes to hang out. This friend has a habit of flirting with me, sitting next to me and putting his arm around my shoulders, that I don’t like much and it annoys my husband too. I have asked him not to do it but he just laughs and says he’s just being friendly.
Queenie, how can we get him to be a little less friendly?—Annoyed wife
Dear Wife,
The next time this friend starts being too friendly, your husband should take a picture or two with his cell phone. Then, first chance you get, show the pictures to the friend’s wife. I am sure she will convince him to be a little less friendly with you.
