Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I are going to the same university, but we don’t take the same classes. One of his classmates is a girl who shares an apartment with several other girls that I have met a couple of times.
My boyfriend admitted to me that one time when he went to see his classmate she wasn’t there and he got to talking to one of the other girls and they had a couple of drinks and started fooling around. He said they didn’t go as far as having sex, but they did get pretty hot.
I’m having a hard time trusting my boyfriend and I certainly don’t trust that other girl and I don’t want him to see her anymore, but he says he can’t go to see his classmate without seeing the other girl too because they live together and it’s not a big deal because they didn’t sleep together.
Queenie, shouldn’t he have more consideration for how I feel?—Angry girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Yes, he should. Because he cannot see his classmate at her apartment because the other girl will be there, he should arrange to see his classmate elsewhere – at the library or the park or maybe a fast-food restaurant. And if he is not willing to do this, you will have to decide whether you can trust him.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s family have plenty of money but they do hate to spend it.
I’m a pretty good handyman and I have done a lot of work for them without getting paid, but when my wife wanted something from their business for our house they charged her retail price for it.
I got vexed about this, but my wife said that’s just how they are.
Queenie, how do I handle this?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
People should repay generosity with generosity, but they do not always do what they should do. The next time you do any work for your wife’s family, feel free to send them a bill for your services.
Meanwhile, just accept that that is how they are, and do not let it become a source of problems with your wife.
Dear Queenie,
Our adult children live abroad and all have good jobs, but when they visit us here they expect us to pick them up at the airport, let them stay with us, take them around like a taxi and treat them to all their meals.
Queenie, isn’t this just too much?—Fed-up parents
Dear Parents,
Of course it is, but as long as you let your children take advantage of you they will continue to do so.
The next time any of them is/are planning a visit, let them know in advance, as tactfully as you can manage, that you will not be available for taxi service and free meals, so they had better plan to rent a car and take you out to dinner at least part of the time they are here. And if you also want to suggest that they stay at a hotel, feel free to do so.
Dear Queenie,
My sister lived with an abusive man for a couple of years and then she left him and came to live with me. She was in pretty bad shape when she came to live with me but gradually she got much better.
Recently I found out that she has been seeing this man again but she never mentioned it. I haven’t told her that I know about this, but I am afraid she will go back to him.
Queenie, should I tell her what I know and what I’m afraid of? I don’t want to make her mad at me.—Worried sister
Dear Sister,
Ask your sister calmly whether she is seeing this man again and tell her how glad you have been to see her so much happier without him. You might even suggest she get professional counselling before making any further decision about him. Other than that, there is not much more you can do.
Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t like any of the clothes I wear because he thinks they make other men look at me too much. It’s not like I wear anything sexy, he just doesn’t like anything I wear.
Queenie, how can I get him to lighten up?—Dressing down
Dear Dressing down,
It is not really the clothes you wear that your husband does not like, it is the fact that other men find you attractive to look at. I recommend professional counselling for both of you, separately or together – for him to learn to cope with his insecurity and jealousy, and for you to learn to cope with his attitude and behaviour.
