Dear Queenie,
My husband’s son lives in another country. He has a pretty good job and mostly supports himself, and the only time we hear from him is when he wants to come visit us or he needs some money.
Usually we are happy to have him visit us, but last Christmas my son and his family came and stayed with us for 2 weeks and when my stepson also wanted to come and stay with us we had to tell him no, we just didn’t have enough room for so many people.
We suggested he come around Valentines Day instead and he said he’d think about it, but we never heard from him again even though we tried to call him and left a lot of messages.
Queenie, how can we fix this mess?—Stepmother
Dear Stepmother,
There is not much you can do about your stepson’s behaviour except keep trying to call him once in a while. But you probably will hear from him again when he needs money.
Dear Queenie,
I got into some trouble when I was a teenager and got sent to detention. After I served my time and got released I finished my education, got a job, and never got in trouble again.
I’ve started dating again and I need to know when to tell someone about my record. If I say anything too soon it will put them off. If I wait too long they will dump me for not saying anything sooner.
Queenie, what do you say?—Ex-con
Dear Ex-con,
This is not something for you to talk about on your first few dates. But once someone has had a chance to get to know you, around the third, fourth or fifth date, you should tell them. If your crime was not a violent one and you are not on an offenders list, your date should be willing to hear what you have to say and understand that you have turned your life around.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I did not live together before we got married, so I never knew what a messy person he is. He tracks in all kinds of dirt and leaves things lying around and never picks them up.
I have asked him to be more careful and to pick up after himself, but he just won’t bother to do it, so I end up cleaning up after him.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about this?—Disgusted Wife
Dear Wife,
Did you never visit his home before you married him? What was it like? Surely you would have noticed if it had been as messy as you say he makes things, so (unless he was living with his parents and his mother did all the cleaning up) maybe he hired someone to clean for him.
If you can afford it, hiring a cleaner may be the solution you are looking for. And if he does other things for you than cleaning up, consider it a fair trade and try not to let his messiness irritate you so much.
Dear Queenie,
My father makes fun of my mother and criticizes her all the time. I never hear him say anything nice to her. I tried to talk to him about this but he just got mad at me.
Queenie, how can I convince my mother that she should leave him?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
There are many reasons women stay with men who abuse them. Your mother may simply be in love with your father. She may think she has no other choice than to stay with him. She may be financially dependent on him, afraid of being alone, or, if you still live with your parents, just waiting until you move out so as not to leave you alone with him. You cannot convince your mother to leave your father until you understand why she has not already done so.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is always criticising other people, what they do, how they look, whatever. She never seems to have anything good to say.
Queenie, I get so sick of listening to her. How do I tell her that and still stay her friend?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Some people turn into chronic complainers as they get older. Sometimes there are medical reasons and sometimes it is just an attitude that comes with aging.
Mention to your friend how unhappy she seems to be these days, ask her how she has been feeling, and suggest she see her doctor for a thorough check-up. And try to be patient with her.
