Dear Queenie,
I was invited to a wedding and sent them a nice gift, but a few days before the ceremony I was informed that it had been cancelled. I never heard anything more from anyone, not the couple or their family, about why the wedding was cancelled, and I never even got a thank you note for the gift I sent.
Queenie, if they didn’t get married after all shouldn’t they have returned the gifts?—Cancelled wedding Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Of course the gift should have been returned, with a note of thanks for the thought involved in sending it.
However, depending on the circumstances involved in the cancellation of the wedding, the couple and whoever was arranging the celebration may have been
completely overwhelmed by whatever had happened.
If you think you know any of these people well enough, feel free to ask them why the wedding was cancelled, and see if they make any mention of the gifts the (apparently not-so-happy) couple received.
Dear Queenie,
My fiancé and I are moving in together and he told me he has a lot of pictures and letters from old girlfriends that he doesn’t want to just throw away. I used to have that kind of stuff too, but I have thrown it all away.
Queenie, will it be okay if he packs it all up in a box and puts it away in the back of a closet?—Jealous fiancée
Dear Fiancée,
Some people are sentimental, some are not. Making an issue of this will just make you look small-minded. Let him pack up all that stuff, give him a pretty bow to tie up the box, and put it away – out of sight, out of mind (I hope!).
Dear Queenie,
My son does not like to wear a helmet when he rides his bike because he thinks it makes him look like a sissy.
Queenie, how can we make him understand how important this is?—Worried parents
Dear Parents,
If your son is underage, tell him you will take his bike away if he does not wear a helmet.
If there is a law where you live that bikers must wear helmets, remind him that the police will take his bike away if they catch him helmet-less.
If there is a local bikers club where you live, take him there and let the members explain to him the importance of wearing a helmet.
And it might help if you take him to a bike shop and let him choose his own helmet and decorate it himself with stickers or however he likes.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has some habits that really bother me. For one thing, he smokes a lot, while I try to keep fit and stay healthy. He also spends a lot of time playing computer games.
Queenie, do I have any right to ask him to change these habits for my sake?—His girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Second-hand smoke can give you health problems, so you have a perfect right to ask that at least he not smoke when you are around – and if you live together, the smoke he creates when you are not there can linger and affect you seriously when you return, which must be taken into consideration.
Computer games can become addictive and he might need professional help overcoming such an addiction.
Dear Queenie,
My mother often asks my father what he thinks about something, like what color clothes look good on her, and then she does just the opposite, like if he says she looks good in blue she will get something red or yellow. And she does the same thing with me – whatever I ask for she will get something else.
Queenie, why does she ask if she isn’t going to listen to us?—Disgusted daughter
Dear Daughter,
This kind of behaviour is called “passive aggression”. It is a way of showing that one disagrees without being obvious – or openly hostile – about it.
