Dear Queenie,
I have been married for more than 20 years, but we are separated at the moment because something else is always more important for my husband than me and I just couldn’t take it anymore. He kept promising to do better, but he never did for very long.
A while ago, while we were separated, I ran into a man I used to know pretty well. He is now divorced and we started going out and one thing led to another – you get what happened.
My husband is a sensible reliable man and a great father. My boyfriend is lots of fun and a wonderful lover.
Queenie, how do I choose between them?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
There are children involved, which makes your choice even more difficult.
Hopefully, for the children’s sake, you can persuade your husband to go to counselling with you to try to save your marriage, he will stick to whatever plan you work out with the counsellor’s help, and you will give up seeing your boyfriend.
However, if that does not work out, you should get a lawyer’s advice and arrange a legal separation with visitation, support, etc. clearly spelled out.
And you had better hope that in the meantime your boyfriend does not find a byside of his own.
Dear Queenie,
My parents got divorced a long time ago because Mom had an affair with another man and chose to go with him instead of Dad.
After that Dad met a nice woman and they got married and are doing very well, while Mom has not. She is always complaining about how well-off they are while she has problems paying her bills. Now she has asked me for money but I can’t afford it and anyway it’s her own fault for trying to live like Dad and his wife on her much smaller income.
Queenie, I don’t want to insult her, but what can I do?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
Try to persuade your mother to get professional counselling – psychological, to help her get over trying to keep up with her ex-husband’s lifestyle; and financial, to help her learn to live within her means. But do not lend her money, as you probably will not get it back, and do not give it to her outright, as that will only encourage her to continue on her rather self-destructive path.
Dear Queenie,
When my husband and I took a long flight to go on vacation he spent the whole flight chatting with a woman next to us and didn’t pay any attention to me. Usually he just sleeps on a flight, but not this time.
Queenie, how do I get over being annoyed by this?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
He might have spent as much time chatting with a man, but even if he was flirting with the woman, it is not likely that they will ever see each other again. And it could be that the woman was wishing he would just shut up and let her take a nap!
What your husband did was rude to you, but dwelling on the insult will only make you angrier. As long as your husband does not make a habit of flirting with other women, calm down and let it go.
Dear Queenie,
My twin brother and sister live together in a house they bought together and they go on vacation and do everything else together, and neither of them ever goes out on a date. They have separate bedrooms, but still I have to wonder. They act more like husband and wife.
Queenie, is this something the rest of the family should worry about?—Older brother
Dear Brother,
It is not unusual for a single brother and sister to share living quarters, and there is a much stronger bond between twins than other siblings.
Have you mentioned to them how things look to you and asked them about your concerns? They may be offended, but whatever their response is, it will give you some idea what is or is not going on.
And after all, they are adults and it is really their business and nobody else’s.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her fiancé are planning their wedding and what they want is much bigger and fancier than anything I can afford. They say his parents have offered to pay for whatever I can’t afford.
Queenie, what can I do?—Mother of the bride
Dear Mother,
It is traditional for the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding, but, like many traditions, things are changing.
Tell your daughter and her fiancé how much you can afford and give them a cheque for that amount. After that, leave it up to them.
