Dear Queenie,
When someone pays me a compliment I always say, “Thank you.” My wife thinks that is not enough and you should say more, like if I tell her I enjoyed a meal she cooked, she thanks me and then goes on about how she is glad I liked it.
Queenie, is she right?—Compliment Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You are both right. “Thank you” is a sufficient response to a compliment, but there is nothing wrong with adding a few appreciative words.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than five years. We have said we want to spend the rest of our lives together, but agreed that we aren’t interested in getting married.
Now I think he’s planning to propose to me and I know I want to spend the rest of my life together with him, but thinking about all the headaches and problems of planning a wedding just scares me to death and I’m afraid things will change between us if we get married.
Queenie, what should I tell him if he proposes?—Scared of marriage
Dear Scared,
If the two of you are happy together and plan to spend the rest of your lives that way, why should you be afraid of making a formal commitment to do so?
If it is just the thought of planning a big, formal ceremony that scares you, why not plan to elope, or at least just have a small private wedding ceremony? If, later on, you regret having done so, you can always plan a big formal affair to celebrate a wedding anniversary.
Dear Queenie,
I haven’t seen or heard from my granddaughter for many years, since she was a teenager. I wouldn’t know it was her if I saw her on the street. Now she is getting married and I have received an invitation to her wedding. I think the only reason she invited me is because she expects me to get her a gift.
Queenie, should I go?—Ignored grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
You do not have an obligation to attend your granddaughter’s wedding or to send her a gift if you do not go. However, you should definitely RSVP the invitation – and, if only as a lesson in courtesy, send her a congratulations card.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a high school student and I do very well in school because I read a lot and remember what I hear and read. However, my classmates do not like me because I do so much better than them and they call me names and play tricks on me.
Queenie, I can’t help being smart and I refuse to try to play dumb just to please the other kids.—Smart kid
Dear Smart kid,
It is not easy to be “different” from your peers, especially at your age. Perhaps you could find some friends by joining one or more special-interest groups of students older than yourself.
You could also make some friends by offering to help some of your contemporaries with their schoolwork. Just do not let them bully you into doing the work for them.
Dear Queenie,
My husband calls me nasty names when we argue, which is a lot, and nothing I do ever pleases him, he always criticizes it in some way. I have told him how much this hurts my feelings, but he says I deserve it because I always do something to make him angry.
He won’t go for counselling because he doesn’t think there is any problem with how he treats me.
Queenie, if he really thinks I’m so terrible, why does he stay with me?—Abused wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband’s verbal abuse is his way of controlling you and there is a real risk that it may escalate into physical abuse. Let your family and friends know how he behaves, and I hope you can count on them for support.
Even though your husband refuses to get counselling, get counselling for yourself to learn how to cope with his behaviour and to decide whether you would be better off leaving him – and if so, how to do so safely.
