Dear Queenie,
Both my husband and I come from families with lots of children but not much money. We both had to do without a lot of things when we were kids and take care of the younger kids and help with housework because our mothers were out working to make ends meet.
Now we’re grown up and we both have good jobs and we’re enjoying life and lots of the things we missed out on as children, like eating at nice restaurants, travelling, nice clothes, a good house with nice new furniture and lots of peace and quiet when we want to be alone and take things easy.
We’re in no hurry to have children. We had enough of that taking care of our brothers and sisters when we were young.
The problem is our mothers. They both keep after us about when are we going to give them grandchildren. They say we’re not getting any younger and we don’t know what we’re missing, and they quote the Bible to us about “be fruitful and multiply.”
Queenie, we don’t want to argue with them, but how do we get them off our backs?—Happily childless
Dear Happily childless,
Tell them you know very well what you are missing, because of your experience taking care of your younger siblings, and that you will have children when you feel ready for the responsibility.
Beyond that you don’t have to say anything. If they keep after you, change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend I always used to hang out with but lately whenever I want us to do something together she says she has things to do or she has made other plans. Sometimes then I see her out and about with someone else.
Queenie, what should I think? Have I done something to make her mad? Is she still my friend?—Worried
Dear Worried,
How would I know whether you have done anything to offend her? She is the one you must ask about that.
Friendships often change and do not always last forever. That does not mean she is not your friend anymore. It just means she has other friends too.Perhaps she is trying to broaden her horizons. You should be doing the same, instead of relying on just one person for your social contacts.
Dear Queenie,
There are a lot of things I would like to talk to my Mom about, like sex and boys and grownup stuff, but she gets all embarrassed and so do I and we never really get to talk about them.
Queenie, how can I get over being embarrassed so we can really talk?—Shy teenager
Dear Shy teenager,
Part of the reason you get embarrassed is probably because you are aware of her embarrassment and respond in kind. It’s too bad a mother and daughter can’t be more open with each other.
Try to schedule a time every day, or at least once or twice a week, when the two of you will sit down together and talk about whatever is on your minds. Agree in advance that you will talk openly about whatever comes up, no matter how embarrassed you feel.
Very often it is much easier for a shy person to talk freely and openly when he/she cannot see the other person. That is why telephone help lines are so popular and so helpful.
If you are both so shy that you just can’t bring yourselves to talk freely at first, try sitting back-to-back or talking on the phone. Or, if you both have access to a computer, try e-mailing each other or meeting in a chat room.
I hope you will both soon be able to relax enough to talk face-to-face.
Dear Queenie,
I am 10 years old. I live with my Dad and Mom in an apartment. I read your column to practice my reading.
I want to get a dog but my Mom says no. She says our apartment is too small. I have a fish tank and two hamsters in a cage and we have a cat but I still want a dog.
My Dad said I could write you a letter to practice my writing.
Queenie, how can I get my Mom to change her mind?—Loves animals
Dear Loves animals,
A small apartment occupied by three people, two hamsters, a cat and I don’t know how many fish must be pretty crowded. A dog, even a little one, would need space to run around and would not be happy being confined like that.
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I think your mother is right. Maybe some day your parents will move to a larger apartment or even a house with a yard and then you can have a dog.
Meanwhile, you can practise your reading by reading books about how to take care of a dog, so you will be ready when (if) you get one. But please don’t stop reading my column too. And thank you for writing to me.
Dear Queenie,
I am a 21-year-old who has had only one boyfriend for the past two years. The beginning of our relationship was great but lately I have been seeing less and less of him.
I pay all my bills on my own and have always been doing that. All I ever asked of him was time and now even that I don’t get anymore unless he notices that I am drifting away and then he tries to mend things, which only lasts for a few weeks.
I have met this new guy whom I am beginning to like and I have decided that I would prefer being with him than my current boyfriend. I will not cheat on my boyfriend, but every time I get an opportunity to tell him that I want to move on, I fear that I might be doing the wrong thing.
Queenie, I need your advice as to whether I should give it one last try or try moving on with someone who would treat me better. Thank you in advance for your advice.—Caught between two
Dear Caught between two,
There is no reason a woman must confine her attention to one man unless she is married or engaged to be married, which I gather you are not. So feel free to see both these men, and do not feel you are cheating on either one of them.
Of course, it is only fair that you let them both know that your relationship with each of them is not exclusive.
I will say it again and again and again: It is not a good idea for a woman to confine herself to an exclusive relationship too young or too quickly. She should keep herself free to date any number of men until she is absolutely certain that she has met the one with whom she wants to spend the rest of her life, and that he feels the same way about her.
