Dear Queenie,
I’m a college graduate in my 20s with a good job and a wonderful boyfriend, except for one thing. He keeps saying he’s not ready to be a father.
I, on the other hand, am getting desperate for a baby. Every time I hear one of my high school friends is pregnant I get depressed because something is missing from my life. All my old friends have children, some of them have several already, all except me.
My boyfriend and I don’t use protection when we have sex, but I don’t get pregnant.
Queenie, is something wrong with me?—Desperate for a baby
Dear Desperate,
If you suspect there is something physically wrong with you, go to your gynaecologist for a complete examination and tests. Your boyfriend shoud go to his doctor too, because the reason you do not get pregnant might be that there is something wrong with him.
However, you should also be asking yourself why you are so desperate for a baby, especially when your boyfriend has made it plain that he is not ready for parenthood. Keeping up with your high school friends is not a good reason to bring into the world an innocent child who might suffer from the problems you might face if you found out after the fact that you also were not ready.
You should also be thinking about the problems you might face as a single mother, as your boyfriend might very well bail out if you become pregnant while he is still “not ready.”
And while we’re on that subject, let me remind you of the old saying, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby … .” There is a very good reason for that sequence of events, which you seem to be ignoring.
I suggest counselling to help you understand your feelings on the subject. You might ask your boyfriend to go with you, to help both of you understand why he is not ready to make a commitment to you.
Meanwhile, please start using “protection” to make sure you do not make a serious mistake.
Dear Queenie,
I am from another island. My mom’s home was damaged during a storm.
Are there any organizations or companies involved in relief for the other islands? It is sad to say that I wish I can do something for her but I can’t.
Queenie, if there is anybody out there who can help us, please let us know. Thanking you in advance.—Storm victim’s daughter
Dear Daughter,
During the hurricane season a lot of groups send relief supplies to the islands that have been hit by hurricanes, but I haven’t heard much about hurricane relief recently.
I suggest you contact the local Red Cross chapter. If anyone would know, they would. The Red Cross headquarters is on Airport Boulevard in Simpson Bay, tel. 545-2333 or 545-2304, or fax 545-5263.
Dear Queenie,
We have been living in an apartment building for more than 10 years now and we loved it up until lately when our new neighbour moved in. He comes home with all kinds of different women and has this crazy sex drive that goes on for hours.
Our problem is the noise and the unthinkable times he chooses to do his thing. They get so loud that we stay in our apartment and hear their groans very clearly. We have two young primary-school-age children and on many occasions they would hear them and come up to us and ask what that noise is.
Sometimes we have to make up stories or turn up the volume of the TV whenever they start.
Queenie, it reached to the point that we sometimes try to leave the house because they do that for hours. He is aware that we and the other neighbours hear them, but they still continue without any consideration.—Disturbed
Dear Disturbed,
Have you spoken directly to this neighbour about the problem, or are you just taking it for granted that he is aware of it? If you have spoken to him and he ignores your requests, he deserves whatever reminders you choose to give him.
For example, you and the other neighbours could call him on the phone whenever he is making too much noise. The possibility of being interrupted at an inconvenient moment might encourage him to keep the noise level down. Unless, of course, he is smart enough to take the phone off the hook or turn off the ringer before he starts.
You could pound on the walls and yell at him to shut up when he disturbs you. If you can hear him, he certainly can hear you. Maybe he doesn’t care about being overheard, but at least some of his female companions probably will.
You should also discuss this problem with the landlord (or landlady, as the case may be). It would be best if more than one or more of the other tenants of the building made the complaint, separately and/or together. There is probably a noise clause in the man’s lease, and possibly a nuisance clause as well. I doubt the landlord would allow one horny sex fiend to offend any number of long-standing well-paying tenants. He/she might also have moral objections to this kind of goings-on on his/her property.
Dear Queenie,
My older sister’s teenage stepson has been coming on to me like you wouldn’t believe. He even tried to grope me the last time they came to visit, when we were where no one else could see us. I told him to stop but he wouldn’t and I had to almost run back to where everybody else was to get away from him.
After that I made sure I wasn’t alone at any time. I even made sure my sister went with me to the bathroom although I didn’t say why. I pretended to have something in my eye.
The next day when I calmed down I called my sister and told her what happened, but she didn’t believe me. She just laughed and said something about teenagers and raging hormones and “boys will be boys.”
Queenie, I am scared. This “boy” is bigger than I am and my neighbours say they’ve seen him around my house at night. They didn’t think anything about it because he’s my nephew, but I live alone. What should I do?—Not just his aunt
Dear Not just his aunt,
You should have a serious face-to-face talk with your sister and her husband. Tell them how frightened you are of their son and explain that his behaviour is more than a case of raging teenage hormones and may escalate into something even worse if they don’t take control.
Tell them you are going to report his behaviour to the police and ask your neighbours to keep an eye out and let you know if they see him around your house at any hour without his parents.
Then go to the police station and make your report. And if your neighbours tell you he is hanging around your house again, call the police at once. At the very least, this boy must be forced to learn that “no” means NO!
It may cause some hard feelings in the family, but that is better than letting him get completely out of hand, with you as his victim!
Dear Queenie,
One of my relatives has a habit of going through my desk drawers and reading my personal papers when she visits me.
She thinks I don’t know what she is doing, because she always does it when I go to the bathroom or I’m busy in the kitchen or answering the phone in the other room, but I can tell because she never puts things back exactly like I had them. Besides, sometimes I’ve seen her through a crack in the door or reflected in a mirror.
Queenie, she’s a nice person and helps me out a lot and I don’t want to quarrel with her, but I value my privacy and there are limits. How should I handle this?—Feeling invaded
Dear Feeling invaded,
There is no need to quarrel with this woman or to put up with her prying into your affairs. Just move all your personal papers, anything that you object to her seeing, to a room where she can’t get at them. Or, you could put a lock on your desk, if it doesn’t already have one, and keep it locked up whenever you are not using it. In fact, it might be a good idea to do both.
If Snoopy has the gall to comment or ask about the change in your habits, tell her the truth: You have reason to believe someone (you don’t have to say who) has been going through your things without your permission and you want to insure your privacy.
