Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for 20 years. This year for our anniversary he gave me clothes.
Queenie, it was the sexiest outfit I have ever seen, something only a prostitute would wear. Worse yet, it was about three sizes too small! I haven’t worn that size since before I started having babies.
When my husband asked me when I was going to wear the outfit, I asked him where he expected me to wear something like that anyway? He said in our bedroom. I said I’d think about it, and I didn’t say anything about the size.
Queenie, what do you think?—Plump matron
Dear Plump matron,
I think it’s rather sweet that your husband hasn’t noticed how much weight you have gained – unless, of course, he has noticed and is trying to give you a gentle hint and/or incentive to lose some of it. And don’t worry about his fantasy life as long as it’s you he wants to see in his daydreams.
If you can’t manage to lose the weight, exchange the outfit for one that fits and strut your stuff for him.
Keep trying to lose weight, and next year for your anniversary, buy yourself a sexy outfit that fits and give hubby another eyeful.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend is divorced and has two kids. We don’t live together, but sometimes I stay with her overnight. The problem is, when I do, she won’t let me sleep with her. I have to sleep on the sofa.
Queenie, she doesn’t have any problem about sleeping with me when she stays over at my place, so what’s her problem when I stay with her?—Don’t get it, in more ways than one
Dear Don’t get it,
Her problem is those two children. Apparently your girlfriend doesn’t want to set a bad example for them.
I’m sure it would be different if the two of you were married, or at least living together in a committed relationship. What’s your problem with that?
Dear Queenie,
When my youngest child went away to college, I was lonely, so I let my boyfriend move in with me. My youngest was staying with his older sister and her family while he was at school, but of course he came home for summer vacation. My daughter and her children came too, as we hadn’t seen each other for a long time.
After they were here for about a week my boyfriend said our “guests” had overstayed their welcome and I should tell them it was time to leave. I said they were my children and grandchildren and that made them part of our family and if he didn’t like it he could leave.
We have been arguing about this ever since they left, which was when my son went back to school.
Queenie, who is right?—Ready to throw him out
Dear Ready,
As long as your son is in school and dependent on you, your home is his home and he cannot be considered a guest in his own home. As for your older children who are out on their own, they – and their children – should be welcome in your home for as long as you are willing to have them visit.
As for your boyfriend, even if he is contributing to the expenses of the home, he is the guest and had better be careful he doesn’t wear out his welcome.
In fact, if you feel he is trying to cut you off from your family, which could be a sign that he is a control freak and potentially abusive, you might very well be happier – and safer – if you tell him it is time for him to leave.
Dear Queenie,
For the past few weeks GEBE has been taking off the current repeatedly in our area, at least 5 times a day sometimes. There has been no notice to why this is happening.
My complaint is this: The excessive turning off of current has burnt the hard drive in my computer and this has cost me over $250 to repair. I would like to know what GEBE can do about it.
It has also damaged numerous appliances of tenants in our vicinity!
Queenie, what is your view?—In the dark
Dear In the dark,
What GEBE can do and what it will do are two different things. GEBE can only control the outages up to a point, and will certainly have some good excuse for them. You will have to address your complaint to the company, but based on my experience, GEBE will not do anything about the damage to your computer and other appliances.
A backup power pack would protect your computer. It would cost about $300, only slightly more than you paid in repairs. In my view this would be a big bargain, considering how much extra work, lost data and aggravation it would also save.
Plugging your other appliances into spike protectors (also called surge protectors) might help to protect them from damage. Don’t forget to check the spike protectors every so often. They wear out after a while.
Dear Queenie,
Last week my sister offered to take care of our 6-year-old son overnight so my husband and I could go out to dinner and a show and have a nice romantic night together without interruptions or distractions.
It was our son’s first “sleepover” and we weren’t sure how he would take it, so after dinner we stopped by her house to see how he was doing.
My sister wasn’t home! She had gone out and left our son with a baby sitter, an elderly neighbour of hers. He was watching TV, adult programs we don’t let him watch and long past his bedtime, and she was sound asleep on the sofa!
We had to shake the babysitter to wake her up to find out why she was there and where my sister was. The house could have caught fire or our son could have gone outside to play in the street and she would never have known what was happening!
We packed up our son and took him home. We had a nice dinner, but we missed our show and the romantic night was completely spoiled.
The next day my sister called and wanted to know what was the matter. I told her we had trusted her to take care of our son, not some stranger who couldn’t even stay awake to supervise him, but she had shown she couldn’t be trusted. She said I was being silly, because nothing bad had happened.
Queenie, who is right?—Angry mother
Dear Angry mother,
You are. Your sister was not only untrustworthy, but dishonest and unfair.
There is nothing wrong with leaving a child with a responsible sitter, but when someone says they will take care of a child, they have a responsibility to do so personally. If, for some reason, they can’t or don’t want to, they have an obligation to tell the parents in advance who will actually be taking care of the child and to let them decide whether they are satisfied with that person’s capabilities.
Your sister had no right to leave your son with someone you don’t know without your knowledge or consent, however capable that person might have been, which this old lady clearly wasn’t.
