Dear Queenie,

I’ve been going with a boy at school for about a year. He’s in his last year and recently he told me we should break up because he has to concentrate on his classes and get good grades so he can get study financing. I told him how much I love him, but he wouldn’t change his mind.

Then a couple of weeks later he called me and asked me if we could have sex. That isn’t exactly what he said, but I knew what he meant. I said I won’t be ready for that until I am all grown up and finished with school. He said, “Okay, I’ll see you around,” and I haven’t heard from him again except for seeing him once in a while in school.

Queenie, do you think I hurt his feelings?—Lonely teenager

Dear Lonely teenager,

If you did, he deserved it! A boy who is too busy for a romantic relationship but thinks you might have sex with him anyway is too selfish and immature to bother with, for a girl as sensible as you seem to be.

Dear Queenie,

I’ve had one boyfriend in my entire life (I’m 19 years old). He broke up with me after 7 months. He said he wasn’t ready to settle down as yet. I told him that I knew he was the one for me, and I don’t need to look any further because he is the one I want to grow old with. But he kept saying he didn’t want to marry me any time soon.

Queenie, he still wants to be “friends” because he says he doesn’t want to lose me completely, and he still would like to be able to talk to me and hang out sometimes.

Now I don’t know what to do. I love him, he’s my first for everything, and I know that as long as we remain friends I’ll continue to be in love with him, and I won’t be able to move on. But I also know that he doesn’t want to be with me as my boyfriend, at least not now. When we hang out we have sex and it hurts me to do this, because I love him but I don’t know about his feelings anymore.

  Queenie, what should I do? Break it off completely, or continue to hold onto a “maybe”?—Holding on too much

Dear Holding on,

What “maybe”? He doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, but he continues to have sex with you. He’s getting everything he wants from you without having to give anything in return.

How can you possibly know this is the man with whom you want to spend the rest of your life? He is your “first for everything” and you have no basis for comparison.

What should you do? First, stop having sex with him! If he won’t take “no” for an answer, break up with him completely. But my guess is you won’t have to, because as soon as you stop selling yourself so cheaply, he will disappear. And if that hurts you now, think how much worse it would have been if you had married him!

Next, start dating other men. And don’t be too quick to jump into bed with them! I have no doubt that as you become acquainted with many different men, the one you are anguishing over now will suffer by comparison. Eventually you will be asking yourself what you ever saw in him.

Dear Queenie,

I think I’m in love with this guy I used to work with. He’s very friendly to me and very polite and considerate and he always helped me when I was at my job. But I never let him know how I felt because we worked together and it might cause friction in case it didn’t work out.

He used to give me rides home, and sometimes he would even just stop by from work if he worked late and I was finished already or on my day off, but he would never come inside.

But last month I got fired from my job and we haven’t had any contact since then and I really miss him.

Queenie, what should I do now?—Undecided

Dear Undecided,

That depends. Do you know if he is married or otherwise “attached”? If he is, forget about him. A romance with a man who is already “spoken for” would just cause problems for both of you.

However, if he is available, you might try giving him a casual call “just to say hello.” His behaviour toward you may have been based on the same reasons you had for not letting him know how you feel, which no longer apply. If that is the case, you are both now free to take the next step. You will know what to think from his reaction to your call.

Dear Queenie,

I go to college in the United States, but my mother treats me as if I am still a child living at home. She calls me every night and if I’m not in by what she thinks should be my bedtime she keeps calling until I get home and then she quizzes me on where I was and who I was with and what we were doing.

She tells me what to eat and what classes to take and what clubs I should or shouldn’t join and what sports I should go out for.

Queenie, I know she works hard to pay for my education, but isn’t part of that education learning to make my own decisions?—Mama’s little boy

Dear Mama’s little boy,

To a mother, her son is always her little boy, even when he has children of his own. Your mother is obviously having trouble cutting the apron strings and you don’t seem to be struggling too hard to grow up.

For instance, if you are old enough to go to college, you are old enough to hold a part-time job to help pay for your education and living expenses. So why does your mother have to work so very hard?

For both your sakes, start learning to stand on your own two feet without Mommy’s help and financial support. After all, she won’t be there forever to support you and take care of you. Moreover, if you ever intend to get married, you will find that most women won’t put up with a dependent little boy for a husband.

Besides, if you are contributing to your own upkeep, you will have a better argument for having some say in the decisions about classes, sports, etc.