Dear Queenie,
My husband has a friend, a woman, that he talks to about everything. He won’t talk to me about our problems or go with me for counselling, but he tells her all about what he says is wrong with me and he listens to her advice.
I tried to tell him that this was a form of cheating on me and almost as bad as if he was having sex with her (he claims he isn’t) but he just doesn’t understand.
Queenie, he reads your column in the paper every day. Maybe if you explain things he will see it and it will help.—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
There is a reason for the phrase “forsaking all others” in the marriage vows, and it means emotionally as well as physically (sexually).
By talking to another woman about your problems when he refuses to discuss them with you or a professional counsellor, he is cheating on you emotionally, and that is just as bad as (or maybe even worse than!) if he were sleeping with her – and are you so sure he is not sleeping with her? He may be lying to you about that.
Even if your husband will not go with you for counselling, go by yourself for the help it will give you in coping with your problems and deciding what to do about them.
Dear Queenie,
No matter how much I try I can’t do anything to please my mother-in-law. My wife does everything she can to please her mother, but her mother just doesn’t like me and she has told the rest of her family things that make them not like me too.
I love my wife, but for the rest of her family I am still on the outside and they blame me for anything that goes wrong in our lives and always take her side.
Queenie, I have gone for counselling but my wife thinks it is silly and won’t go with me. What more can I do? Should I give up and get a divorce?—Unhappy husband
Dear Husband,
Your mother-in-law may be difficult to deal with, but your real problem is with your wife, who should be taking your side and backing you up when dealing with her family instead of letting them treat you badly.
Go back for more counselling. Ask your wife again to go with you, but if she will not, go by yourself to figure out what you want to do next and how to do it.
Dear Queenie,
I know you are supposed to always send a “thank you” when someone gives you a gift, but how do you thank someone for a gift that is obviously second-hand, or maybe something someone gave them that they didn’t want so they passed it along to you?—Thank-You Note Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Just thank the person for thinking of you at whatever the occasion was, and do not say anything specific about the gift itself.
Dear Queenie,
My husband seems to have lost his mind. He keeps sleeping with a young lady working for him who is young enough to be his kid. He has now abandoned our family to live with her after I found out, but doesn’t want a divorce.
Queenie, what’s your advice on that?—Betrayed wife
Dear Betrayed wife,
My advice is: Never mind what your husband wants, make up your mind what you want and go after it.
Professional counselling would help you decide what you want, and if it is a divorce, a good lawyer would help you go after it.
Dear Queenie,
One of my daughter’s friends has a brother who looks just like a man who is not her mother’s husband. All of us adults (me and my husband, the other parents, the man the brother looks like and his wife) have been friends since we were kids.
Queenie, I am very curious about this. Is there any way I could find out the truth?—Just wondering
Dear Just wondering,
I cannot think of any way to find out the truth without asking the boy’s mother, which would be very embarrassing for both of you. And remember, in a small community many persons are at least distantly related to one another, and family resemblances have a way of coming out very unexpectedly.
