Dear Queenie,

  My boyfriend and I have been living together for a couple of years now. Sometimes he will open a package that has been delivered that is addressed to me and when I tried to talk to him about this he said it was because he thought it was something for the house so he thought it would be okay.

  Queenie, how can I get him to not do this?—Disrespected

Dear Disrespected,

  You might try pointing out to him that tampering with someone else’s mail is not only disrespectful, it is also illegal.

  You might also start wondering whether he is also checking your phone messages and e-mail.

  As far as the mail is concerned, you could rent a post office box in your name only and have all your mail delivered there. But you should also consider seriously what your boyfriend’s attitude toward your personal mail (and possibly other personal communications) says about your overall relationship with him.

Dear Queenie,

  My grown-up son lives on his own except when he runs out of money and then he comes running home to me for help.

  He is an attractive man and has no problem finding women who like him and let him take advantage of them, and then when he breaks up with them they come to me to help them get back together with him.

  Queenie, how can I get him to do better for himself and for all those women?—Unhappy mother  

Dear Mother,

  As long as you keep “helping” your adult son with money he will never take the trouble to learn to do for himself. It is far past time you learned to say “no” to him and insist that he fend for himself.

  And as long as you spend time listening to the women who turn to you for help with their problems with your son, they will continue to “cry on your shoulder”. Again, it is time for you to learn to say “no” to them too. Tell them to look for professional counselling and hang up on them (or push them out the door if you have let them come into your home).

Dear Queenie,

  When my parents moved into a much smaller home with very little storage space, they gave me a lot of boxes of old photos and letters and other memorabilia like Mom’s wedding dress.

  I don’t have a lot of storage space myself, so I’ve been going through these things trying to decide what to keep and what to do with the things I don’t want. It doesn’t seem right to just throw any of it away.

  Queenie, what do you suggest?—Overloaded with stuff I don’t want

Dear Overloaded,

  You can start by consulting your and your parents’ relatives and friends, and giving them any of these things that interest them. Then you can donate to charity any items that might be of use to some needy person. And a local historical society or museum might be interested in some of the old letters and/or photos if no one else wants them.

Dear Queenie,

  My girlfriend has a good job but she still depends on her parents to pay her bills for her and to give her extra money if she can’t afford something she wants or doesn’t have enough to cover her credit card bills. We don’t talk to each other about money but I know she talks to them about it all the time.

  I knew she was like this before we moved in together, but nothing has changed since then and whatever they tell her to do about money she does it, without talking to me about it.

  Queenie, when will she ever grow up?—Vexed

Dear Vexed,

  She will never grow up until her parents let her, or are no longer there to coddle her. You can try to convince them to allow (or compel) her become more independent, but I suspect they will be reluctant to let go of her to that extent. Good luck!