Dear Queenie,

  My mother and I always got along very well, but since I got married she just won’t leave me alone. She wants me to do everything with her just like we used to – shopping, doctor visits, going to the movies, just hanging out, whatever.

  It’s not like she can’t do these things with my father, they get along just fine.

  Queenie, how do I get her to let me make life a life of my own with my husband and friends my own age?—Smothered daughter

Dear Daughter,

  Remind her – as gently as you can! – that you are all grown up and married, and have your own life to live. Then try to make time for her as often as you can (and care to) manage, and – again gently! – decline her other requests for your company.

Dear Queenie,

  My sister’s husband seems like a very nice guy, but my sister talk to me about her problems and I’m not so sure about him. He got rid of all her pets after they got married and he was so mean to her children from her first marriage that the kids had to go live with their father and his new wife.

  Queenie, how can we go on liking him and being nice to him when he is treating his own family that way?—Worried Sister

Dear Sister,

  Abusers and control freaks often can put on a very nice face for outsiders while they are mistreating their own families in private.

  Do not try to discuss all this with your brother-in-law, as he may turn his bad side on you, but you should continue to offer your sister support when she asks for it.

  You should also suggest she try to get professional counselling to help her deal with her situation and decide what she wants to do about it.

  And be prepared to help her carry out her decision(s).

Dear Queenie,

  I am planning to surprise my wife with a birthday party at her favorite restaurant so she won’t have to cook or do any work for the party, but I can’t afford to pay the bill for all those people.

  Queenie, would it be okay to say something about this on the invitation, like “No gifts, please, your presence will be all the gift she wants”?—Party Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

  It is never okay to mention gifts on an invitation unless you are suggesting donations to charity instead of gifts.

  And in this case you are not actually planning to play host by paying the restaurant bill, so perhaps your invitation should say something along the lines of “Please join me in treating my wife to dinner at her favourite restaurant (place) on (date) at (time).”

Dear Queenie,

  I am lucky to have a job where I can work from home at least part of the time.

  My problem is that my family and some of my friends think that because I am at home and not all dressed up for work, I am not working on my job, so I am free to visit with them or watch their kids while they go out or help them run errands because some of them don’t drive and want me to take them where they need to go. Then I can’t get my work done on time or sometimes not at all if it has to be done at a certain time.

  Queenie, how can I make them understand?—Home-worker

Dear Home-worker,

  You have to learn to say “no” to requests for help, and to repeat it as often and emphatically as necessary to make the other person understand. A (brief) explanation that you are working at your job and that it must be done at a certain time might help.

  When you are working it might also help to screen your phone calls and put a “Please do not disturb” sign on your door saying that you are at work, especially if you include a note suggesting when they can come back and find you free to visit/run errands/watch their children.

  And keep that door locked so unwanted visitors cannot just barge in on you if you do not respond to their knocking and/or ringing the doorbell.