Dear Queenie,
My daughter got divorced because her husband cheated on her. Now the girlfriend is pregnant. My daughter thinks her ex-husband should get a paternity test on the girlfriend’s child before he ever introduces it to the children he had with her as their half-sibling, just in case the girlfriend cheated on him the way he cheated on his wife.
Queenie, what do you think?—Doubtful mother
Dear Mother,
Your daughter cannot prevent her ex from thinking that child is his and introducing him or her to your grandchildren as their half-sibling, but given the circumstances, you would think he would want to know for certain that he is its father.
Dear Queenie,
Recently one of my children passed away from illness. I still have my two other children and they keep me busy, but I find it annoying and not comforting at all when someone tells me I should concentrate on them and the fact that I still have them, and not on my loss.
Queenie, what is a polite response to that kind of advice?—Mother in mourning
Dear Mother,
Tell them – politely!!! – that you have never stopped loving and taking care of your remaining children, but that does not ease the pain of your loss.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been married for almost 10 years and my father-in-law hardly ever talks to me and when he does it’s just for a minute or 2. I get along with his wife, my mother-in-law, just fine.
Recently my husband’s brother got married and my father-in-law has no problem talking to his wife – he spent 20 minutes chatting with her at our last family get-together.
Queenie, I’m not jealous, but I am insulted. Do you have any advice?—Angry daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
Does your father-in-law have any problems with your husband that may affect the way he feels about you?
Talk to a professional counsellor about this and if being around your father-in-law is difficult for you, limit the time you spend with your husband’s family when he is there.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I are getting old and we need someone to help us around the house, but how do we find someone we can trust not to steal things they find lying around the house? If we have to put everything away before they come, we might as well do the cleaning ourselves.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Old folks who need help
Dear Old folks,
Ask a friend, neighbour, or someone you can trust, perhaps from your religious community, to refer you to someone you also can trust. Even so, there is no guarantee, so try to keep a close eye on your cleaning person while they are there. It will also help insure that they do a good job of cleaning.
Dear Queenie,
My neighbors are very helpful, cleaning my yard and bringing me treats.
I have given them gifts to thank them, but if I always do that I’m afraid they will feel obligated to continue to do things for me.
Queenie, what do you think?—Grateful neighbor
Dear Grateful,
I think your neighbours understand the reason for your gifts and if they continue to help you, continue to be grateful. You could also offer to return the favour any time they take a trip or need some help.
