Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I have been living together for about a year now. We both have jobs and are working hard to save up to buy a house. We don’t want children yet, not until we can afford them.
The problem is, condoms aren’t cheap and sometimes I just can’t afford them, so she is on the pill, but sometimes she says she is short of money and wants me to pay for her prescription.
Queenie, she’s the one who is taking the pills. Why should I have to pay?—Running out of money
Dear Running out of money,
You should pay because birth control is your responsibility as much as hers and because you are sharing in the benefits. In fact, you should be sharing the cost with her on a regular basis, not just when she runs short of money.
Look at it this way: It will cost you a lot less in the long run than the medical expenses and child support you will have to pay if you don’t help pay for the pills.
Dear Queenie,
We had dinner at some friends’ house last week and one of the guests broke a dish by accident. He got a small cut on one hand while he was picking up the pieces, but the hostess didn’t even notice. She was just going on and on about how he had broken one of her best dishes and spoiled the set.
The guy who broke the dish finally offered to replace it for her and she said maybe she could get a new dish from the place in the States where she ordered the set, but it would cost a lot, what with the shipping and all. He gave her the money and she calmed down.
A couple of days later I saw what looked like the same dishes in a store on the French side and a whole place setting didn’t cost nearly as much as the money he gave her. I think she made a profit on the whole deal.
Queenie, do you think I should tell him he was cheated?—Dinner guest
Dear Dinner guest,
Let’s be charitable and assume that the hostess didn’t know her dishes were available on the French side, or that the dishes you saw were cheap knock-offs of an expensive pattern.
However, if you accept any more invitations from these friends, I suggest you be very careful not to break anything. And if you ever have any financial dealings with this woman, check the receipts carefully and count your change at least twice. And then count your fingers, just to be sure you still have all of them.
Dear Queenie,
A few years ago when I was younger, I heard my neighbor who is my sister’s friend talking about a Youth Summit. That it is some kind of meeting where young people can go and voice their opinions. I understood from the radio that one would be held during the mid-term break.
Now that I am older and my sister and her friend are away studying I would like to know about this Youth Summit. Queenie, do you know anything about Youth Summits? I didn’t get any information at school as yet. I have many questions, but I would like to know what it is all about.
Queenie, can you please tell me where to go and what to do in order to get involved? Thanks in advance for your help.—An alert mind
Dear Alert Mind,
As an alert mind, you should be reading the entire newspaper every day, not just my column, to keep up with what is going on in St. Maarten and in the outside world. If you had been doing so, you would not have to ask me these questions, as The Daily Herald has published many articles about the Youth Summit.
The Youth Summit is organised by the Social Cultural Department in collaboration with the youth officer affiliated with the Support Netherlands Antilles Youth Development Programme.
For more information about it, you can contact the St. Maarten Youth Council Association.
And make it a habit to read the newspaper regularly. It’s not just for adults, you know.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s son by his first wife wants to come to live with us. My husband is all for it, but my oldest daughter (by my first husband) says he used to molest her when he came to visit us when she was little.
She was afraid to tell me then because he said he would beat her up if she did and he would tell his father she was a liar and then his father wouldn’t want to be married to me anymore.
But now she is older (she is 11 now) she is afraid he will molest her again and maybe her little sisters (by my present husband) too, and she is also afraid he will take revenge on her for telling on him.
I told my husband I don’t want his son in the house with my girls, but he said I was making too much of what my daughter said and she was just jealous of his relationship with his son and trying to make trouble.
He said even if she was telling the truth, his son was older now and would have outgrown such behavior and anyway he would talk to him and make sure he would not bother my daughter again. He said the little girls would be safe enough because they are his son’s sisters and he would never commit incest.
Queenie, is he right?—Protective mother
Dear Protective mother,
Your husband couldn’t be more wrong. Child molesters do not stop just because someone tells them to and they are rarely held back by considerations of incest. In fact, the convenient accessibility of his half-sisters makes it even more likely that he would victimise them.
In addition, there is the trauma your oldest daughter would go through in being exposed to her molester again.
Do not try to cut your husband off from his son, but make it clear that the relationship must be maintained outside of your home and away from your daughters.
Your first responsibility in this situation, and your husband’s, is to your daughters, and the only way you can guarantee their safety is to make sure his son is never alone with them, which would be impossible if he was living in your house. For example, how could your husband guarantee that his son would not sneak into their room at night when everyone else was asleep?
If your husband does not want to listen to you, go to the Women’s Desk and/or Safe Haven for expert assistance in explaining the ugly facts of his son’s life to him.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t know what to do about my boyfriend. We’ve been going together off and on for about five years and even lived together for about a year, but then he decided he wasn’t sure he wanted to be in a committed relationship, so we broke it off.
After a few months we decided to try again, but the same thing happened. It’s been about 3 months now and I heard he has a new girlfriend, but he keeps calling me.
I love him and really want things to work out between us, but I just don’t know if he is really ready to settle down.
Queenie, what do you think?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
I think you’re probably right; this guy isn’t really ready to settle down. He may be using you as a “safety net” to keep from getting too serious with his new girlfriend, or he may be -the type who likes best what he can’t have and loses interest when he has it.
You can go out with him if you enjoy his company, but don’t put much faith in him.
Meanwhile, I suggest you date other men. You may very well meet someone else with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life and who feels the same way about you. And if that happens, I’ll bet this guy will be right there trying to persuade you to come back to him, but don’t fall for his line again.
