Dear Queenie,
I’m going to have a baby and my mother-in-law keeps commenting on how fat I’m getting and keeps asking me how much weight I’ve put on.
According to my doctor I’ve gained a normal amount of weight and my pregnancy is going normally.
Queenie, what’s a good way to answer her?—Mother-to-be
Dear Mother-to-be,
When you answer your mother-in-law’s questions, start by saying “My doctor says …” and finish by saying “My doctor says the baby is doing well.” Then change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
A relative of mine died recently and a lot of people sent flowers to the funeral. One of the bouquets didn’t have a card with it so we don’t know who sent it.
Queenie, does this kind of thing happen often? Why do people do it? Is it bad manners to do it?—Funeral Flower Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It can easily happen that the card is sent with a bouquet of flowers but gets lost before or even after the flowers are delivered. If you have any idea what florist delivered the flowers, you can ask them who sent the bouquet. Otherwise, a general “thank you” message for everyone who sent flowers should reach the ones who sent the “anonymous” bouquet.
Dear Queenie,
When I found out I might have cancer all my husband could think about was if our insurance would cover the cost. When I told him how scared I am he said he is scared too, but he didn’t try to comfort me in any way.
Queenie, I am still scared and hurting from his reaction.—Frightened wife
Dear Wife,
You have every reason to feel frightened by the possibilities of your condition – and so does your husband, because for him that includes the possibility of losing you. Apparently he is short on empathy – the ability to understand and possibly to share someone else’s feelings.
Try to forgive him for this shortcoming, and explain to him just what you want and need from him in this difficult time.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend always leaves big tips for the waiter (or waitress) when we go out to eat – I mean, like $10 for just a couple of cups of coffee, and then he brags about how generous he is. Sometimes it gets kind of annoying.
Queenie, should I say anything about it?—Big spender’s girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
If your boyfriend is well-to-do and can afford this generosity, do not say anything. Just hope he will be as generous to you on occasions like your birthday and Christmas and then thank him profusely.
However, you might ask him if he has ever consulted a professional financial consultant to help him plan for the future.
Dear Queenie,
I never could understand why my wife always used to wash the dishes before she put them in the dishwasher, but after she died and I had to do the dishes myself I could understand better.
Queenie, can you recommend a dishwasher detergent that will really get the dishes clean?—Recent Widower
Dear Widower,
My condolences on the loss of your wife.
If your wife had been using the same dishwasher for many years, the problem may be that it (too) is getting older and older. If all the detergents you have tried are not getting the job done, it probably is time for you to get a new dishwasher.
And even so, it is usually a good idea to rinse the dishes off before putting them in the dishwasher.
