Dear Queenie,
My daughter got pregnant by a man she was dating, but she was not serious about him and they broke up when he found out she was pregnant. She had an abortion because she can barely support herself and she knew she could not afford to support a child too.
Queenie, she knows I do not approve of abortion. How can I support her when what she did goes against what I believe in?—Religious mother
Dear Mother,
Your daughter has her own beliefs and reasons for what she did. Hopefully, your religion allows you to support your child even if she does not share your beliefs.
If you need help in dealing with all this, perhaps your pastor can help or can refer you to someone for professional counselling.
Dear Queenie,
When my unmarried daughter died I was left with her toddler son. I love my grandson, but I’m almost 60, not married, and it’s a strain. My friends my own age have their own interests and my boyfriend, who is much younger than me, broke up with me, and I don’t get any time for myself because as soon as I look away the kid gets into some kind of mischief.
Queenie, HELP!—Overwrought grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Can the child’s grandfather (your ex-husband?) and/or the boy’s other grandparents help by looking after him now and then so you can have some free time? What about the boy’s father? He should at least be paying support for his son, which would help you pay for day-care or a babysitter if you need financial assistance. And soon enough the boy will be old enough to go to school every day, which will also give you some relief.
Dear Queenie,
When my ex-stepmother died the notice in the newspaper said she was a “loving wife and mother.” I know that’s the kind of thing they always say, but it’s just not true. Actually she was an abusive alcoholic who cheated on my father several times while they were married which is why he divorced her.
Queenie, I hate to think that is how she will be remembered. How can I let everyone know the truth?—Angry stepchild
Dear Stepchild,
Just keep talking about her the way you did in your letter to me. People will hear and remember what you say.
Of course, they might not think well of you for talking that way about someone who is dead and gone and cannot defend herself.
Dear Queenie,
When I was little my father would make out with my mother while I was watching, watch porn while I could see it, walk into my room without knocking while I was getting dressed or undressed, and tell dirty jokes where I could hear him. After I got married he even asked my husband questions about how our wedding night went.
Queenie, was I sexually abused?—Just wondering
Dear Just wondering,
I would say yes, that was a form of mental and emotional sexual abuse. If you feel you need help to deal with the aftereffects, I (as usual) recommend professional counselling.
Dear Queenie,
A girl my son used to date got a crush on my husband and stayed in touch with us (mostly him) after my son stopped seeing her. She is always calling or texting him to tell him what she is doing and ask for advice.
He says he is just mentoring her and there is nothing else to it, but I can tell there is something more, if only for her.
Queenie, should I ignore all this or should I insist that he cuts her off?—Annoyed wife
Dear Wife,
I suspect your husband is flattered by all the attention he is getting from this probably attractive young woman. Try not to worry about it, just wait for her to get over it, which she eventually will when her life fills up with more interesting matters (and boys!).
