Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for several years and we have finally decided to get married. But when we told my mother about it she acted like she couldn’t care less.

She said she didn’t have any money to pay for a big wedding, so we told her we didn’t want one. Then she said she wouldn’t be there anyway, because she had made plans to go on vacation that weekend.

I want her to be there. She’s the only parent I have, because I never knew my father, and I’m her only child, and I can’t understand why she wouldn’t want to be there.

Queenie, what’s wrong with her?—Deeply disappointed

Dear Deeply disappointed,

She may not approve of your boyfriend. She may not approve of the fact that you have been living together. She may think you are too young or otherwise not yet ready to get married. And maybe she cannot afford, financially or otherwise, to change her vacationn plans.

But why are you asking me this question? You should be asking your mother! Please do so right away.

Dear Queenie,

Can you tell me what is the proper finger to wear your engagement and wedding rings on? My fiancé’s mother and I are having a big argument about this.

And is a man supposed to wear a wedding ring or not?

Queenie, can you settle it for us?—Tired of arguing

Dear Tired,

Different cultures have different traditions, including those concerning the giving and wearing (or not giving/wearing) of engagement and wedding rings.

Although it is customary for a married woman to wear a wedding ring, it is not mandatory.

Whether a man wears a wedding ring is up to the individual couple, although I always think it is a good sign when a man is willing to wear that “I’m spoken for” band in plain sight.

In most Western Christian cultures, it is customary for the engagement ring and later the wedding ring to be worn on the fourth finger (the one next to the “pinky” finger) of the left hand. This custom dates back to the times when people believed the blood vessels in that finger were connected directly to the heart.

Very often the bride switches the engagement ring to another finger or to her right hand after the marriage ceremony, but equally often she keeps it on the same finger as the wedding band. When she does so, she usually wears the wedding band “closest to the heart,” but some brides prefer to wear the other ring, which is often very valuable, on the “inside” and the wedding band on the “outside” to help keep the more expensive ring from falling off accidentally.

The ones who should decide this issue are the bride and groom. Everyone else, including the mothers-in-law, should mind their own business.

Dear Queenie,

I was at a funeral the other day and I saw two teenagers who were behaving in a way that was an insult to everyone else there. They were holding hands and whispering all through the service and I even saw them kissing each other at one point.

Queenie, why do they let these kids even come to a funeral if they don’t know how to behave?—Disgusted

Dear Disgusted,

Let’s be charitable and assume that one of the youngsters you saw was in mourning for the deceased and the other was trying to offer some comfort.

However, it is the parents you should blame for such unseemly behaviour, for not teaching their children how to behave on such occasions and for having so little respect for the mourners that they allow the unacceptable behaviour to continue when it occurs.

Dear Queenie,

I was in love with a boy and another girl took him, but she doesn’t do anything to him like hug or kiss him. I am doing that, but who is supposed to have him? We kiss each other, but she doesn’t and she wants him? And now, what should I do?

Plus, we got in a fight and now he is like hitting me for nothing and it hurts so badly because he hits hard, you know, and what should I do?

A lady asked me “if he is smart.” I said no, he stayed back 2 times, but he looks good. Who should I follow, the lady or smartness or just being beat up? I think with the lady, but if I ignore him he is going to keep on hitting.

Queenie, what should I do?—Don’t know what to do

Dear Don’t know what to do,

I can’t imagine why you would want a boy who is so “smart” he “stayed back 2 times” and who beats you up for no reason. Let the other girl have him!

If you are afraid he will beat you up if you refuse to have anything more to do with him, go to Safe Haven and/or the police for assistance and protection.

And in the future, don’t be so generous with your hugs and kisses. That excessive generosity is probably the reason this boy has so little respect for you.