Dear Queenie,
I married my husband a bit more than three years ago. It has become completely necessary for me to consider having at least two children (this year I will be 34). My husband never had a problem with children in the past until now that we have to start working on making them.
I love my husband but I have always wanted children. I have waited and postponed having children so that when we do have them we would have the finances to be able to accommodate then and to provide them with the best possible living environment.
The truth is I am sick of fighting with my husband on the children issue. I am running out of patience, especially bearing in mind that my husband already has kids. Even though my husband has two kids he is unable to understand how important it is to me who don’t have any and always wanted to.
Queenie, is this to much to ask of my husband?—Desperate wife
Dear Desperate wife,
Did you discuss this issue with your husband before you married him? Or were you afraid to bring it up because it might have made a difference in how he felt about you?
It is often hard for a man, especially one who doesn’t care one way or the other about children, to understand what having them means to a woman. Your husband may feel that the two children he already has are enough. If so, having more may well be too much to ask of him.
In any event, it is important for you to talk this issue over with him now without fighting about it, to try to understand how he feels and to try to make him understand how important it is to you. Counselling might help. And a compromise may be necessary. Perhaps you could agree to settle for one child instead of “at least two.”
In the end you may have to choose between your husband and the possibility of having children. Be sure you are prepared to make the correct choice – only you can decide what that will be – and to live with the consequences.
Whatever you do, do not get pregnant “accidentally on purpose.” The effects on your marriage could be disastrous.
