Dear Queenie,
I am deeply worried about my elderly father. Recently, he started seeing a much younger woman he met at a bar. At first, I tried not to judge. He is lonely, and after losing my mother, I know companionship matters. But things have gotten out of control. He is spending money constantly, phone credit, clothes, meals, cash. Every week there seems to be another request. Now it has gone even further. Someone convinced him that he needed help to “keep” the young woman, and he has started paying an obeah man as well. This man is also taking money from him regularly. My father genuinely believes all of this is real. If anyone questions it, he becomes defensive and says we are trying to stop him from being happy. Meanwhile, I can see his savings disappearing. I don’t know what is worse, the young woman using him, or the fact that someone is exploiting his fears and loneliness for money through superstition. Queenie, how do I help an elderly parent who refuses to see he is being manipulated?—Watching Him Slip Away
Dear Watching Him Slip Away,
Your father is not just chasing romance. He is chasing relevance, attention, and the feeling of still being wanted. That is what makes situations like this so difficult. If you approach him only with logic, “she is using you,” “the obeah man is a scam”, he will likely defend the relationship even harder. Because to him, you are not just criticizing the people involved. You are threatening the emotional need they are fulfilling. Loneliness in older age can make people vulnerable in ways families often underestimate. A younger person showing interest can feel flattering, energizing, even life-restoring. Add fear of aging and fear of being alone, and suddenly poor decisions begin to feel emotionally necessary. Then enters the obeah man. Whether one believes in obeah or not is beside the point here. What matters is that someone has identified your father as emotionally vulnerable and financially accessible. That is exploitation. Now, how do you help him? First, do not ridicule him. The moment he feels mocked, he will stop listening. Second, shift the focus from the woman to the money. Ask practical questions: “Dad, are you comfortable with how much you’re spending?” “Do you feel pressured to keep paying?” “Are your bills and savings still secure?” That keeps the conversation grounded in protection, not shame. Third, increase positive connection around him. People become more vulnerable to manipulation when they feel isolated. Family presence matters here. And finally, if the financial situation becomes serious, you may need to quietly explore safeguards, trusted oversight, financial monitoring, or legal guidance depending on his age and capacity. Because love can make people foolish. But fear of aging can make them desperate. Your father does not need humiliation. He needs dignity, support, and protection before this becomes a very expensive lesson.—Queenie
