Dear Queenie,
My wife was pregnant with another man’s child when we got married but when the baby was born she put my name on the birth certificate. I have accepted her daughter as my own and we never told her any different.
Now that the girl is older I think we should tell her who her real father is, if only so she doesn’t get involved with one of her half-brothers, but my wife is afraid her daughter will be ashamed of her if she knows the truth.
Queenie, should we tell her?—To tell or not to tell
Dear Tell,
You are her “real” father, as you have done all the parenting involved in raising a child. The other man is no more to her than a “sperm donor.”
However, I think you should tell her for exactly the reason you have given, although, this being a small island, there is a good chance she already knows the truth. And, if she does, your daughter will have more respect for her mother if she hears the truth from her than if she knows her mother is lying to her.
