Dear Queenie,
There is a man in my social circle who calls every woman “Queen.” Every post: “Good morning Queen.” Every comment: “Looking beautiful Queen.” Every voice note: “Respect yourself, Queen.” If a woman drops a grocery bag, this man appears from nowhere talking about: “Queens should never struggle.” Sounds lovely, right? Wrong. This same man treats the actual women in his life terribly. He cheats constantly. Borrows money and doesn’t repay it. Talks down to women in private. Has children he barely spends time with. Every relationship ends with confusion and drama. But online? Motivational king. Women empowerment ambassador. If you listened to his Instagram stories alone, you would think he was sent directly from heaven with a ring light and a podcast microphone. What confuses me is that many women still fall for it. The “Queen” talk seems to work every single time. Queenie, why do some men speak the language of respect while behaving the complete opposite?—Tired of the Royal Vocabulary
Dear Tired of the Royal Vocabulary,
Because words are cheap. Especially on social media. Calling a woman “Queen” has become the modern version of opening with: “Good morning beautiful.” It sounds respectful, evolved, emotionally intelligent. But language without behaviour is branding. Not character. Now, let us be fair. Some men genuinely use the term warmly and respectfully. Not every “Queen” is a warning sign. But there is a specific type of man who has discovered that empowerment language creates quick emotional trust. He learns the vocabulary: healing, divine feminine, protecting Black women, soft life, and Queens. Meanwhile, his actual behaviour remains chaotic. Why? Because performance is easier than consistency. It is much simpler to post inspirational captions than to: communicate honestly, stay faithful, pay child support, apologize properly, or treat women well when nobody is watching. As for why people fall for it, remember this: Many people listen to words before they study patterns. Charm often arrives long before accountability. So the real lesson is not: “Never trust a man who says Queen.” It is: “Watch whether his actions match the crown he keeps handing out.” Because a man who truly respects women usually does not need to announce it every seven minutes online. The evidence appears naturally. And generally without a podcast voice.—Queenie
