Dear Queenie,
I need someone to tell me whether I have watched too many crime documentaries. My husband's elderly mother recently spent several weeks staying with us. It was lovely overall. She helped around the house, enjoyed spending time with the grandchildren, and everyone had a wonderful visit. After she left, I was taking out the recycling when I noticed two empty bottles of Baileys at the bottom of the bin. One bottle had been about half full before her visit. The other had even more left. Both were now empty. My husband hadn't touched them. I hadn't touched them. We certainly hadn't been serving Irish cream with breakfast. Now my mind has gone into overdrive. My first thought was: "Is my mother-in-law secretly drinking?" Then my imagination took an even stranger turn. Growing up, I heard older people talk about putting a tiny splash of alcohol in a baby's bottle or milk to help them sleep. I know times have changed and this is no longer considered safe, but the thought crossed my mind because all of the grandchildren, still in single digits, were staying with us during her visit. I have absolutely no evidence that she did such a thing. None. It was simply where my anxious brain went after finding the bottles. Now I feel guilty for even thinking it. Queenie, do I ask her about the missing Baileys, or do I accept that sometimes our imagination writes stories that reality never did? —The Curious Daughter-in-Law
Dear The Curious Daughter-in-Law,
Your imagination deserves an award. Not because it is accurate. Because it is... thorough. You went from: "The Baileys is gone." to: "Should I alert KPSM?" in record time. Let us separate what you “know” from what you “fear”. You know two bottles were emptied. You know neither you nor your husband drank them. Everything else is speculation. Now, could your mother-in-law have quietly enjoyed a nightly glass of Baileys? Certainly. Many people do. Could she have been embarrassed about how much she drank and quietly disposed of the evidence? Also possible. Does that automatically mean she has a drinking problem? No. And does it mean she was secretly slipping Baileys into the children's milk? There is absolutely nothing in your letter to support that conclusion. The fact that the thought entered your mind does not make you a bad person. It simply means your brain was trying to solve a mystery and reached for every explanation it had ever heard, including outdated old wives' tales. Here's what I would focus on instead. If this was a one-time occurrence, let it go. If, over time, you begin noticing a pattern, hidden bottles, frequent drinking, changes in behavior, or other signs of alcohol misuse, then you something concrete to discuss. But right now, you have two empty bottles and an active imagination. And those are not the same as evidence. One final observation. If your mother-in-law really did enjoy two bottles of Baileys over a few weeks while managing grandchildren all day... Some grandparents reading this may quietly be thinking: "Understandable." Just don't let your imagination fill in facts that aren't there. The truth is probably much less dramatic than your recycling bin suggested. —Queenie
