Dear Queenie,
I attend church faithfully and genuinely value my catholic faith. But there is one thing that continues to trouble me. The biggest gossip in our congregation is also one of the most visible members. She is involved in every ministry. Always front and center. Bible study, prayer meetings, women’s fellowship, you name it. And she seems to know everyone’s business. Who is having marriage problems. Whose child is in trouble. Who lost their job. Who is “backsliding.” Sometimes she shares things under the guise of concern or “prayer requests,” but it often feels more like gossip with a Bible verse attached. What bothers me most is the contradiction. On Sunday, she is quoting scripture and speaking about kindness. By Monday, she is discussing someone else’s private life. I know the church is made up of imperfect people. Still, it is disappointing. Queenie, how do I stay focused on my faith when some of the loudest believers seem to enjoy talking about everyone else?—Seeking the Word, Dodging the Whispering
Dear Seeking the Word, Dodging the Whispering,
Every church has one. Sometimes two. The person who can quote scripture from memory and still know exactly whose husband came home late. Let us be clear. Gossip does not become holy because it begins with: “We need to pray for…” Faith does not excuse loose talk. And spiritual visibility is not the same thing as spiritual maturity. Now, here is the important distinction. Your faith is one thing. The people practicing it are another. If you anchor your spirituality to the behavior of others, you will be disappointed repeatedly. Churches are full of human beings, and human beings carry flaws into the pews just as surely as they carry their Bibles. That does not make the message less true. It simply means some messengers need more work than others. As for the church sister in question, the best response is distance and discretion. Tell her less. Smile warmly. Share selectively. And when the conversation turns toward someone else’s private business, redirect or excuse yourself. You do not need to confront every whisper. Sometimes the most powerful statement is refusing to participate. Remember, the church is a hospital for imperfect people, not a museum of finished saints. Go for the Word. Not the commentary.—Queenie
