Dear Queenie,
I was dating a boy I thought I knew pretty well, so I let things go too far and when I finally told him to stop he wouldn’t. Afterward when I was crying he said it was my fault because I waited until he couldn’t control himself before I told him to stop.
He said if I tried to claim he had raped me he would tell everyone what really happened and then everyone would know what a slut I am.
I just want to forget the whole thing, but my mother found me crying and made me tell her why and now she wants me to go to the police and file a complaint, but I am afraid of what that boy might say about me in court and what stories he might tell around.
Queenie, should I do what my mother says?—Rape victim
Dear Rape victim,
It is typical of a rapist to try to blame his victim for his own lack of self-control. That does not make what he says true. To the contrary, he is just adding insult to injury.
Absolutely, you should do what your mother says! You may never be able to forget being raped, but if you stand up for yourself you will feel better about yourself in the long run. If you don’t, you will forever feel like a victim.
Furthermore, if this boy is allowed to get away with raping you, there is no telling how many other girls he will victimise in the future. You owe it to them as well as to yourself to try to see that he is made to pay for what he has done.
However, you do not have to go through this alone. Call Safe Haven, tel. 9333. They will help you with counselling and moral support in this difficult time. They will even give you shelter if this boy tries to frighten you into silence.