Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a guy who is separated from his wife and in the process of getting a divorce. I’ve made dinner for him and let him stay overnight with me, given him a few small gifts and even hinted that he’d be welcome to move in with me, but he just eats the food, stays the night, thanks me for the gifts and then goes home.
Queenie, what’s the matter with him? Why doesn’t he realize I’m not like her and I won’t break his heart?—Lonely
Dear Lonely,
First, this man is still married and not in a position to make any commitments until his divorce is final. If he is really getting a divorce, that is. Are you certain about that, or could he just be feeding you a line?
Second, you are giving him too much too soon, unless you have been dating him for longer than you imply. And if you have been seeing him since before he and his wife separated, he may see you as a home-wrecker who can’t be trusted.
As far as that goes, are he and his wife separated? Or are they still living together while the divorce is in process? If it’s the latter, that should give you a clue as to whether the divorce is a fact, or just bait he is using to string you along.
Finally, if his marriage really has broken up, he may not yet have gotten over the trauma of the split, in which case he wants sympathy and comforting (among other things), but is probably not yet ready to make a new commitment and may not be ready to do so for a looooong time to come, if ever. The old expression “once burned, twice shy” often applies in such cases.
