Dear Queenie,
My 14-year-old daughter wants to start dating but I don’t think she’s ready. But she goes out anyway, even when I forbid her, and she won’t tell me where she’s going or call home to let me know she’s okay.
One time she didn’t come home at all after school and around midnight I got so worried I called the police. When she came home she said she was doing homework with a friend.
The next time she did this I called around to her friends and found out she was with a certain boy and when she came home and I yelled at her she said the next time she would just stay all night with him even though I forbid her to see him at all.
Queenie, I don’t know what to do. Help!—Distraught mother
Dear Distraught mother,
Your daughter is going to get herself into big trouble if she keeps on this way. It appears you have no control over her and no idea how to communicate with her. I would say counselling is in order for both of you. Talk to her school counsellor or the Women’s Desk for a referral.
Meanwhile, I hope you have had a serious talk with her about the facts of life, especially the dangers of unprotected sex. If you don’t know what to tell her, consult your gynaecologist.
In fact, a visit to the gynaecologist for your daughter would be in order. Because you suspect she is having sex with this boy, she should be examined and tested for HIV and other STDs. At the same time, the doctor can explain to her whatever you haven’t, and emphasise what you have told her already.
Finally, how old is this “boy” she is seeing? Your daughter is under the age of consent, which means he could be guilty of statutory rape, especially if he is much older than she is. A talk with the police might also be in order.
