Dear Queenie,
My mother’s husband, my stepfather, used to abuse us all, even Mom, when we were growing up. Sometimes he was real nice, but other times he would slap us around and even punch us.
Now I have kids of my own I will not let them visit Mom because he is still there. She can come to visit me and even bring him along, but I won’t go to her house, with or without the kids.
Mom says this isn’t fair to her. She says I’m not letting her be a real grandmother to the kids, but I know she won’t protect them from her husband any more than she protected us from him.
Queenie, does this make me a bad daughter like she says?—Feeling guilty
Dear Feeling guilty,
No, it makes you a good mother. Your first responsibility is to protect your children.
It is not as if you have cut your mother out of your children’s lives. She can see them whenever she visits you. If she does not want to come to your house, that is on her, not on you.
