Dear Queenie,
I’m a college graduate in my 20s with a good job and a wonderful boyfriend, except for one thing. He keeps saying he’s not ready to be a father.
I, on the other hand, am getting desperate for a baby. Every time I hear one of my high school friends is pregnant I get depressed because something is missing from my life. All my old friends have children, some of them have several already, all except me.
My boyfriend and I don’t use protection when we have sex, but I don’t get pregnant.
Queenie, is something wrong with me?—Desperate for a baby
Dear Desperate,
If you suspect there is something physically wrong with you, go to your gynaecologist for a complete examination and tests. Your boyfriend shoud go to his doctor too, because the reason you do not get pregnant might be that there is something wrong with him.
However, you should also be asking yourself why you are so desperate for a baby, especially when your boyfriend has made it plain that he is not ready for parenthood. Keeping up with your high school friends is not a good reason to bring into the world an innocent child who might suffer from the problems you might face if you found out after the fact that you also were not ready.
You should also be thinking about the problems you might face as a single mother, as your boyfriend might very well bail out if you become pregnant while he is still “not ready.”
And while we’re on that subject, let me remind you of the old saying, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby … .” There is a very good reason for that sequence of events, which you seem to be ignoring.
I suggest counselling to help you understand your feelings on the subject. You might ask your boyfriend to go with you, to help both of you understand why he is not ready to make a commitment to you.
Meanwhile, please start using “protection” to make sure you do not make a serious mistake.
