Dear Queenie,
Our daughter-in-law is just too rude. When we visit them she will eat and drink in front of us but she never offers us anything to eat or drink. When they visit us she sits and watches TV or reads a book and never once tries to help out with the housework or the cooking or cleaning up afterward.
I don’t want to make a fuss about all this because I’m afraid she will cut us off from seeing our grandchildren, but it’s just too disgusting.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Angry mother-in-law
Dear Mother-in-law,
It is possible your daughter-in-law was raised in a family where everyone spoke out clearly when they wanted something – food, beverage, help of any kind – and because you do not speak up she assumes you are happy with the way things are. And is it also possible that you were raised to wait for such to be offered rather than to ask for what you want?
If that is what is happening here, you have a serious case of “culture clash” and will have to find a way to resolve it. None of you are mind-readers, of course, so someone will have to learn to speak up, and how and when to do so without offending the others.
I suggest you talk this over with your son in private and give him a chance to discuss this with his wife and then work out with her and with you – probably separately – how you all can learn to communicate with each other better.
