Dear Queenie,
Recently one of my husband’s girlfriends from before we met got in touch with him on Facebook to talk about old times. As far as I know they haven’t met up in person, but it bothers me that they are keeping in touch with each other.
Queenie, what should I do?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
Have you told your husband how this makes you feel? If not, tell him now. If he already knows and is still doing it, perhaps professional counselling can help him understand what a threat it is to your marriage.
If you cannot persuade him to go with you for counselling, go by yourself for help in learning to deal with the situation and deciding what, if anything, you want to do about it.
Dear Queenie,
My wife quit smoking a few years ago, but I still smoke. If she’s around when I light a cigarette she gives me a big argument – one time she even threatened to divorce me if I didn’t stop smoking too.
Queenie, what’s her problem?—Ex-smoker’s husband
Dear Husband,
Surely you know that smoking is bad for your health? That is one reason your wife quit, and why she would like for you to do so as well.
Also, someone who has quit smoking can find the smell of second-hand smoke offensive, or it may make it difficult for them to resist the temptation to start smoking again.
For your wife’s sake as well as your own, you might want to consider stopping smoking too, or at least not smoking when she is around (although she will know you have been smoking because the smell of the smoke will cling to your clothes and hair).
Dear Queenie,
My husband never lets me finish what I am trying to say. He starts answering what I am saying before I finish saying it, so sometimes he doesn’t really understand what I am trying to say.
Queenie, how can I get him listen to me?—Interrupted wife
Dear Wife,
Have you told him how annoying this is? If not, try to explain it to him – hopefully he will hear what you are saying.
If that does not work, stop talking as soon as he interrupts you. If he misunderstands what you were trying to say, you can try to correct him or you can just ignore him, but try to be patient with him and not get angry.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a man for a couple of months and I just found out he’s married and has two children with his wife and another one outside the marriage.
Queenie, why do men cheat? Is it possible for him to be in love with two different women?—The byside
Dear Byside,
Only two women? What about the mother of that “outside” child? That makes three women, by my count, and there is no telling how many more that you do not know about, plus how many other “outside” children he has that you do not know about.
There is no good future for you with this man. Even if he left his wife for you, which is not likely, you can be sure he would cheat on you just as he cheated on her. Men who cheat are not so much in love with the women involved as they are in love with themselves.
Dear Queenie,
I love my wife so much and I try to show her by remembering our anniversary and her birthday and giving her flowers and presents, but is that enough?
Queenie, I’m not good at talking about such things. How can I let her know how much I love her?—Tongue-tied husband
Dear Husband,
Flowers and gifts are all very well, but you do not have to be “good at talking about such things” to simply give her a kiss or a hug and say “I love you” now and then, and to turn off the air conditioner when it makes her feel chilly, even if you then feel a little warm.
