Dear Queenie,
Last Sunday we were driving towards French Quarter, when in the vicinity of Belvedere a group of cows crossed the road. One of the calves was a bit slow in crossing and the French bakery van in front of us just ran into the animal.
I was shocked! How can anybody deliberately try to hurt an innocent animal?
Fortunately, the calf got up and seemed not to be badly hurt. I did not dare to get out of the car, though, because a person with such a callous attitude will probably not think twice before starting to get on at you.
Queenie, do you think there is any chance of eradicating this fiendish attitude towards animals from our “friendly” island?—Shocked animal lover
Dear Shocked animal lover,
I would like to believe that the driver was not trying to run the calf down, but merely to push it out of the way, and misjudged the force with which he struck it. Unfortunately, however, as you say, too many people on both sides of this island have a very callous attitude toward animals.
Even more unfortunately, many of them seem to have a similarly callous attitude toward other people as well.
It would take a massive education campaign to change this attitude. It would have to start in the schools, with the children, and sad to say, our education system seems to be as deficient in this area as it is in too many others.
There is some hope, however, as St. Maarten Animal Welfare Foundation and several animal rights groups are conducting such campaigns aimed at adults and especially at children. There is also some hope that the children will take home what they have learned and their parents will learn from it as well.
Dear Queenie,
My father has had several small strokes and has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. His vision is deteriorating and often he doesn’t recognize Mom or us, or remember what day it is or what he was saying a minute ago – things like that that are typical of his condition.
He understands that he is not well and was actually grateful when he was diagnosed, because he thought he was going crazy and was happy to know that there was a medical reason for what was happening to him. We don’t let him go out alone anymore because he forgets where he is and where he was going, and we don’t let him drive a car anymore because of his sight.
The problem is Dad’s sisters. They rarely see him, but when they do they blame Mom for his condition. They say it’s her fault for keeping him a prisoner in the house and not letting him lead a normal life.
She has a hard enough time taking care of Dad without being hassled by his family. We don’t want to cut Dad off from them, but they make things bad for Mom and they keep telling him he is okay when we all know he isn’t.
Queenie, how can we make them understand?—Unhappy daughter
Dear Unhappy daughter,
It’s not that your father’s family doesn’t understand, it’s that they don’t want to admit to themselves the truth about your father’s condition. It’s called denial. If you could persuade one or more of them to ask a doctor to explain things to them, it might help.
Meanwhile, you and your mother need all the help and support you can find. I don’t know if there is a support group for this sort of thing in St. Maarten, but the Women’s Desk could help you find a counsellor and there are many such support groups available to you on the Internet.
Dear Queenie,
I have been dating a man who has been a widower for several years. Mostly he’s fun to be with, except when he starts talking about his dead wife. He goes on about her as if she was a saint, which I know she was not.
He raves about how wonderful she was and how happy they were, when I happen to know they used to fight like cats and dogs.
I’m getting sick of hearing about her, but I want to keep seeing this man and I don’t want to insult him by telling him to shut up about her.
Queenie, why does he do this? And how can I get him to stop?—Next wife (I hope)
Dear Next wife,
Apparently this man was very much in love with his wife in spite of all the fighting. Or possibly he feels guilty about the fighting now that she is gone and so is remembering his marriage “through rose-coloured glasses.”
He may also be using his reminiscences to keep you at a distance because he is not ready for a serious relationship.
Try telling him his first wife sounds so wonderful you could never live up to the standard she set. His reaction should give you some idea of his feelings for you and how (and whether) to proceed with the relationship.
Do not under any circumstances say anything negative to him about his first wife, unless you want to see the last of him.
Dear Queenie,
There’s this kid at school that everybody makes fun of because she is kind of slow. I don’t think it’s right. It’s not her fault and she tries real hard and she is always nice to everyone else, even the ones who make fun of her, even though they hurt her feelings.
I want to do something, but I’m afraid if I am nice to her the others will start making fun of me too and I won’t be one of the cool crowd anymore.
Queenie, what should I do?—Schoolgirl
Dear Schoolgirl,
You should be nice to this girl and stand up for her when the others make fun of her. It will take courage, but it is the right thing to do.
As for being shut out of the “cool” crowd, what is so cool about being a heartless bully?
You should also tell your parents and your teacher what is going on, if they don’t already know. Someone in authority should explain to these children that what they are doing is wrong, wrong, wrong, and why.
Dear Queenie,
Why are women all the time crying about the way their men treat them? What do they expect if they get mixed up with a married man, or if they give a man what he wants without having any respect for themselves or demanding any kind of respect from him?
You don’t see men acting so stupid or hear them crying about it if they do.
I’m only 15 and I can see how women get themselves in trouble.
Queenie, why are they so stupid?—Teenage boy
Dear Teenage boy,
They say love is blind, which means a person in love, man or woman, tends to refuse to see faults in the person they love, or to overlook them, and to ignore signals that could mean their lover is not the perfect mate.
Men do this just as often as women, but they often cannot bear to admit it to anyone. However, judging from the amount of mail I get from men as well as women, and from news stories I read about jealous men assaulting, even murdering, the women they supposedly love, I’d say men are at least as stupid as women, maybe more so, when it comes to romance.
