Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and now we’re beginning to talk about getting married.

My problem is that I don’t think I have an abnormally strong sex drive (2 or 3 times a week), but I seem to want sex a lot more than he does (maybe once or twice a month). Some of my friends say I should forget about him and find someone who likes sex as much as I do. Others say the sex isn’t as important as his many other good qualities.

Queenie, what do you think? Do you think we have a chance of making a good marriage?—Undecided

Dear Undecided,

I agree that a serious difference in sexual interest can put a severe strain on a marriage. However, I also believe that it is possible to make a marriage work in spite of such a problem. It depends on the maturity and commitment of the two people involved.

I would suggest that some intense premarital counselling would be in order for you and your boyfriend. I would also suggest that in this particular case you do not go to a clergyman for such counselling. Unfortunately, all too often a clergyman’s religious beliefs cloud his (or her) objectivity in such matters and he (or she) tends to have an unrealistic attitude toward such a problem.

Finally, I would suggest a complete physical check-up for your boyfriend. Sometimes a low sex drive is the result of an underlying medical problem.

Dear Queenie,

Ever since I finished college my mother has been bugging me to get married and start having babies.

I have a good job and can take care of myself and I have started a retirement fund that is coming along very nicely, thank you very much. I have tried to explain to my mother that I am in no hurry to have children.

I am thinking about going on to get my Master’s degree, but she insists that a woman doesn’t need so much education and if I really loved her I would settle down with a good man so she wouldn’t have to worry about me, and would give her some grandchildren.

What’s worse is that I used to put money in a savings account when I was a child and I would like to use it for my further education, but my mother won’t let me have it. She says she will give it to me when I get married and then I can use it towards buying a house.

Queenie, how can I get through to my mother and how can I get my money from her?—Independent daughter

Dear Independent daughter,

I know what century your mother was born in, but what century does she think it is now? Even if you got married to please her, there is no guarantee that the marriage would make you happy or that it would last. However, no one can take your education away from you and with it you will be better prepared to take care of yourself and any children you might eventually have.

Point out to your mother – gently, please; after all, she is your mother! – that you were not born to make her dreams come true and that she is lucky you have grown up to be responsible and independent, and not a drug user or a lazy parasite.

Then, if she still won’t turn over your savings, consult your bank manager and possibly a lawyer to find out how the account was set up, whether you can get access to the money, and, if so, how. If the money is in your name it is possible that your mother no longer has legal control over it now that you are an adult.

However, if the account is in her name, she has the right to say when and under what conditions you may have it, so in that case let her do as she pleases with it and forget about it.

Dear Queenie,

For the past 17 years I’ve been married to this person. I’ve been with him through really tough times. Now I don’t know what has happened with us.

 For the past four years we’ve been having a lot of trouble, but we fought it. Two years ago we finally bought a house in a beautiful location, which is St. John’s Estate.

When we first came to live there the place was a mess. Since our budget was limited I decided to clean up the mess. We always had dogs, but the places we used to live were very big. Now in St. John’s we have limited space.

My husband has become obsessed with dogs, and the whole of St. John’s stinks of goat, dog, cow and horse s..t. We had a big dog before we moved to St. John’s, which I didn’t like at all, because I am a very clean person and I am quite possessed in having everything up to date.

I told my husband I didn’t want any more dogs and my husband decided that no matter what I think or feel he was going to get a new dog. Do you think that my husband, knowing the type of person that I am, should bring another dog to our home? And do you think that my husband should give preference to a dog instead of me?

I told him that he had to choose the dog or me, and one of the reasons I told him he has to choose is because he gets up in the morning, goes to his work and leaves the filth all over the place and comes back 6:00pm, and there is nowhere I can sit in my garden because my neighbors both work, have three dogs tied up in their back yard and the smell is knocking you down and when you sit in front it’s also killing you.

Since I want the dog to leave, my husband wants a divorce.

Queenie, what should I do?—Safe marriage

Dear Safe marriage,

Knowing the kind of person your husband is and how he feels about dogs, it was foolish of you to try to force him to choose between you and the dog. Now you will have to choose whether you would rather put up with the dog or lose your husband.

However, I think some kind of compromise is in order here. If he wants the dog to stay, your husband should make more of an effort to clean up after it. It is not difficult to throw a shovelful of sand or dirt over the dog’s droppings every day, and that will cut down on the smell and let the droppings enrich the soil in your garden at the same time.

There is not much you can do about the smell from the neighbours’ dogs, except talk it over with them and hope they will cooperate.

You might consider marriage counselling for the other problems you and your husband are having. I suspect that the dog is not the major bone of contention, but only the last straw. Perhaps if you can work out some of the other issues, the dog won’t trouble you so much.

Dear Queenie,

Why do people always squeeze so hard when they shake hands? I have arthritis and it hurts like hell when someone clamps down on my hand.

Queenie, tell your readers to be more thoughtful!—Hurting hands

Dear Hurting hands,

People, especially men, tend to grip firmly when shaking hands because they don’t want to seem insincere or (in the case of a man) sissified. Also, when two men are shaking hands, sometimes it becomes a sort of gripping contest, especially if one of them is a very competitive type of person.

When hand-shaking time comes you can either ask the other person to go easy on you because of your arthritis, or avoid the handshake entirely, touch him/her on the arm and explain that you can’t shake hands at all because of your arthritis.

And men, please take note: It is never polite to crush a lady’s hand. Some women may not mind, but many do. It is best to be as gentle as possible and follow the woman’s lead as far as pressure is concerned.