Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend doesn’t tell me he loves me very often, in fact hardly ever. He says that anyone can say the words and not really mean what they say and I should be able to tell that he loves me by the way he treats me and all the things he does for me.
Queenie, I don’t want to push him on this, but how often should I be able to hear the words – and how often should I say them?—Confused girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend has a point about the difference between what someone says and how they behave. You should be able to tell how he feels about you from the way he treats you.
Also, you should be able to tell from his reaction when you say the words whether you are saying them too often for his comfort – and make sure that you treat him in a way that shows him how much you care.
Dear Queenie,
I met a man I really like. I think we are perfect for each other – interested in the same things, want to have the same kind of lives, we even have a lot of the same friends. But I am a tall woman, almost 6 feet, and this man is a few inches shorter than me.
Queenie, what will people say if we get together?—Hesitating
Dear Hesitating,
Has this man given any indication that he is interested in “getting together” with you? If so, I would say, “Go for it!”
If you would let what other people might say (or might be thinking) keep you from “getting together” with a man who seems perfect for you except for a slight (unusual) difference in height, I would say you are being rather foolish.
Dear Queenie,
I volunteer with a local organization that meets after work several days a week and lots of times some of us go out for supper together. The problem is a person who joined us recently. We like them and enjoy talking to them, but they have bad breath, I mean really awful. At first we thought they had just eaten something that caused the bad breath, but it’s always the same so that can’t be it.
Queenie, should we write them an unsigned note and slip it into their bag when they’re not looking, or what else could we do?—Can’t stand it, especially when we’re eating!
Dear Can’t stand it,
Do not leave this person an unsigned note. They will just worry about who wrote it. Carry breath mints with you, take one yourself and offer them to everyone.
It is possible that this person has some kind of medical or dental problem that is causing the bad breath. Having the mints and some water handy all the time should help. If it does not, you would be doing this person a favour if you spoke to them privately and explained the problem.
Dear Queenie,
A lot of the time when we go to a special event, especially a family one, we pick up my mother-in-law on the way and take her with us. Almost always, when we go to pick her up, she is in the middle of doing some household chore, even though we have told her what time to expect us and we have come at that time, or even a few minutes later.
If we wait for her to get done with what she is doing, we are late for the event, and sometimes we have even missed one entirely because of how long we had to wait for her. She apologizes, but next time it is the same thing again.
We talked to some of her friends and they said she never does this when they come to take her somewhere.
Queenie, what is a good way to deal with this?—Always late
Dear Always late,
The fact that your mother-in-law does not do this to other people, only to you, seems to indicate that she does it on purpose as a way to control you, and as long as you let her get away with it, she will continue to behave the same way.
From now on, tell her what time you will come to pick her up and that you will only wait a few minutes (specify exactly how long you will wait) if she is not ready to go when you arrive. Then stick to that time limit. Hopefully, if she misses an event (or more than one) that she really wanted to attend, she will learn to be ready on time and stop playing the waiting game.
Dear Queenie,
I’m going to college in the place where I live and I’m living at home with my parents to save money, but they still treat me like a kid, so as soon as I graduate I’m going to get a job and move out. My parents don’t want me to go and they offered to let me go on living with them rent-free after I graduate.
Queenie, how can I get them to understand I mean what I say?—Grown-up daughter
Dear Daughter,
Your parents will understand that you mean what you say about leaving their home when they see you moving out. Start saving up a “moving fund” and looking for job opportunities and a place you will be able to afford, because once you move out it is not likely that your parents will be willing to help you out financially.
