Dear Queenie,
I’m a middle-aged man, happily married and not gay or anything like that, but sometimes I like to dress up in women’s clothes. Recently a neighbour saw me that way and I’m worried about what they may think.
Queenie, what should I do?—Scared cross-dresser
Dear Cross-dresser,
You could tell them the women’s clothing was a costume you were wearing for a Halloween party. And try not to let it happen again.
There is an organisation called Tri-Ess (Society for the Second Self) that is an international educational, social, and support group for heterosexual cross-dressers, their partners, and their families. You can contact it at www.tri-ess.org if you want to learn more about what it could offer you.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 20s and my husband is twice as old as I am. We are both in good health and have our affairs in order, but sometimes I get thinking about the fact that I will probably be a fairly young widow and have to live a long time without him.
Queenie, is this a normal thing? Should I talk to my husband about it or do I need professional counselling?—Happy young wife
Dear Wife,
Yes, this is normal for anyone who has a strong bond with their partner. Yes, you can talk to your husband about it, and you may be surprised to find he feels the same way about you.
And if your concern about the possibility of losing him is causing you too much anxiety, yes, professional counselling would probably help.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve met and dated a lot of men but I haven’t met one who has everything it takes to keep me happy with only him.
Queenie, will I ever meet a man who does or am I just doomed to stay single all my life?—Dissatisfied
Dear Dissatisfied,
Perhaps you are asking too much of the men you date – but then, I suspect they could say the same about you.
I doubt you will ever meet a man who has all the qualities you are looking for, so look for one who has many (or most) of them and be prepared to accept the fact that some compromise and acceptance is necessary for any long-term relationship to be successful.
Dear Queenie,
My wife was formerly married to a man who abused her and now if I move suddenly or reach out to touch her she ducks as if she thinks I am going to hit her.
Queenie, I would never do anything like that and she knows it but she still seems to have this reflex. Is there anything we can do to get her over it?—Worried husband
Dear Husband,
As you said, this is a reflex born from your wife’s previous abusive relationship. It is a form of PTSD and she may need professional counselling to get over it. Talk it over with her – gently, quietly – and see if you can persuade her to try to get such counselling. Your family doctor may be able to recommend someone who can help her.
Dear Queenie,
When my daughter and her boyfriend came to visit me I noticed that he never opened a door for her or pulled out a chair at the table for her to sit down. When I spoke to her about it she said that she told him she doesn’t need him to do things like that for her as if she can’t do them herself, so he stopped.
Queenie, what ever happened to common courtesy?—Old-fashioned father
Dear Father,
It seems to have become less common as women’s lib grows stronger, but I agree with you, it is just a matter of common courtesy. In fact, I think courtesy should work both ways, and I often hold a door open for a man, for example.
