Dear Queenie,
I’m married with a couple of small children and these days we have a lot of money problems. My mother-in-law, who is very well-off, does things to help us out and I mow her lawn and clip her hedges every week, but she never offers to help us out with our money problems the way my family does even though they are not so well-off and have problems of their own.
Queenie, do you think this is fair?—Angry son-in-law
Dear Son-in-law,
No, it is not fair, but I doubt that your mother-in-law is a mind-reader. Have you talked to her about all this? If not, you should do so. And if she still does not give you any help, perhaps you should try to get a part-time job for the additional income.
And if this leaves you with no time to mow her lawn and clip her hedges, that is her problem, not yours.
Dear Queenie,
I have some medical conditions that I have to take medicines for and these medicines make me very sleepy and sometimes they just knock me out. Several times I have waked up to find that my husband has taken all my clothes off and is touching me or even having sex with me while I was knocked out
He says it’s okay because we’re married and because he knows I would say “yes” if he asked me when I was awake.
Queenie, is he right?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
He may be correct in thinking you would say “yes” if you were aware of what he wanted to do, but he is oh so wrong in thinking it is okay for him to do it when you are not aware of what he is doing.
In some places this is legally classified as “spousal rape” and, in any case, having sex with someone who is not in condition to give consent is a form of sexual abuse, which is punishable by law. If you cannot make your husband understand all this, a marriage counsellor, or even a legal professional, might be able to do so.
Dear Queenie,
My 13-year-old daughter told me that a friend of hers at school is having sex with a man who is as old as her father. My daughter doesn’t want to to tell anyone else because she’s afraid her friends will call her a “snitch”.
Queenie, I don’t want my daughter to be mad at me, but what should I do?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Even if the sex is consensual, your daughter’s friend is legally being raped by an adult predator. If you can find out who her parents are, let them know what is happening so they can take the necessary measures. If you cannot contact the girl’s parents, tell a school counsellor, who would be legally and ethically obliged to report this kind of crime.
Dear Queenie,
My ex-boyfriend cheated on me and after I broke up with him he married the woman he cheated with. I got married too and things have been going good, but then over the holidays my mother-in-law invited my ex-boyfriend and his wife to what I thought was going to be a family dinner. She said it was because she felt sorry for them because they didn’t have anywhere else to go.
I explained to my husband and my mother-in-law that I didn’t feel comfortable about this, because my ex never treated me very well and I thought the only reason he wanted to be there was to check up on me, but they said I was just making a big fuss over a very small matter.
Queenie, are they being unreasonable or am I?—Disgusted wife
Dear Wife,
I do not think you are being unreasonable. Your mother-in-law had no thought for your feelings in the matter when she invited your ex to what should have been a family affair without at least asking you how you would feel about it. And I have to wonder how it is that your m-i-l knows your ex at all, never mind inviting him to her home.
Dear Queenie,
I have three children – an older daughter and younger twin sons. When there are occasions for people to give them gifts my daughter always gets a gift of her own, but the boys get a single present for the two of them to share.
Queenie, how do I make people understand that the twins are 2 separate people and each one should get his own gift?—Offended father
Dear Father,
Tell them it hurts the twins’ feelings to receive only one gift for the two of them and if they cannot afford a separate gift for each child, it would be better to give no gifts at all.
