Dear Queenie,
I have 3 sisters and brothers and our grandmother gives us money gifts on special occasions like our birthdays and Christmas. What we don’t understand is why she doesn’t give all of us the same amount of money.
Queenie, does it mean she loves some of us more than the others?—Confused grandchild
Dear Grandchild,
More likely, your grandmother gives you amounts of money according to what she sees as your needs, or possibly in relation to the way you treat her.
Do you all spend the same amount of time calling and/or visiting her (not just being babysat). Do you all write thank-you notes for her gifts? Do you all remember your grandmother on her birthday and other special occasions? Are you all fairly close in age (1 or 2 years apart) or widely apart (ranging from 5 to 20)? Does she help some of you more than the others in other ways like taking you places or buying you things like toys or clothes or paying for special needs like college tuition?
Whatever the reason for this difference may be, I recommend that you do not ask her about it. Just accept that that is the way she is and thank her for loving you.
Dear Queenie,
My grown-up son is abusive and we had a big argument a while ago and haven’t seen each other since then and this has been the most pleasant time I have had in a long time.
Queenie, should I try to make it up with him or let things stay the way they are?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
If you caused the argument, you owe it to your son to apologise. If he caused it, it is up to him to try to make things right and in the meantime you can enjoy things the way they are now.
Dear Queenie,
A girl I dated many years ago had a baby after we broke up. I’m happily married now but I can’t help being curious and I’d like to know if the baby was my child.
Queenie, should I try to find out, and if so, how?—Just curious
Dear Just curious,
You can ask your former girlfriend whether you are the father of the child she had back then, bearing in mind that it is quite possible that you are not. But whatever the answer is, leave the child out of it unless you are invited to have contact.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been going to the same hairdresser for many years because she does a great job of styling my hair.
A few years ago she met my cousin and pretty soon they got married, but now they’re breaking up and my family says I should stop going to her for my hair. I have tried other hairdressers but they do not satisfy me.
Queenie, should I stay with her or keep trying to find someone else?—Curlylocks
Dear Curlylocks,
You have been going to the same hairdresser for a lot longer than she has been related to you in any way and you have not found anyone who does your hair as well as she does. Stick with her and tell your family to stay out of it. Family is family, but business is business.
Dear Queenie,
I think maybe one of my neighbors is dealing drugs. A lot of young people come for just a few minutes and we have found hypodermic needles in the street.
I’m afraid to call the police because the neighbor might find out and try to get back at me.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Worried neighbor
Dear Worried neighbor,
I’m sure your local police have an anonymous tip line. When you call such a line they won’t ask you for personal information – that is why it is called “anonymous”.
