Dear Queenie,
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for almost 10 years, but he won’t marry me because of my bad credit rating, and I found out he tells people about that, and other things that should be private between us, when they ask why we don’t get married.
Queenie, after so many years I would really feel bad to end our relationship, but do you think I would be better off without him?—Exasperated girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
No doubt it would help your relationship if you could manage to improve your credit rating – increase your income and/or cut down on your spending – but that would not change the fact that your boyfriend talks about things that should be private between the two of you.
I suggest couples counselling with a professional counsellor to help you both learn to deal with both of these important problems.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is 25 years old and she goes out on dates with men she only met on the Internet and really doesn’t know very well and she depends on me to babysit her 2-year-old daughter while she is out with these men. Sometimes she stays out with one of these men for a whole weekend.
I’m worried something bad will happen to her on one of these dates, but when I try to talk to her about it she gets mad at me for trying to control her.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about all this besides trying to talk to her about it?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
No matter how much you talk to your daughter, it will not do any good until she is ready to listen to what you have to say. However, you can consult an attorney about getting custody of your granddaughter to protect her from the possible consequences of her mother’s behaviour. If that happens, it might make your daughter more willing to listen to you and (hopefully) change the way she behaves.
Dear Queenie,
Our son and his wife and their dog live with us on a street with a lot of traffic. We have a fenced-in yard and when one of us takes a dog out for a walk we keep it on a leash, but sometimes the dog gets out of the yard over or under the fence and runs around loose until we realize what has happened and bring it back into the yard and sometimes when we are out walking the dog someone tries to pet it.
Queenie, what if the dog gets hit by a car or causes an accident when it is running around loose? Who is responsible for the vet bill? And who is responsible if it bites someone who tries to pet it?—Concerned parents
Dear Parents,
Your insurance company can explain to you how much of your dog’s activity is covered by your homeowner’s insurance (assuming you have such insurance, which you should). And a lawyer can explain your legal position regarding the dog’s activities.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and her sister are on the outs and haven’t had anything to do with each other for many years. Now my wife is very sick, but she won’t let me tell her sister anything about it.
Queenie, should I let the sister know anyway so they have a chance to make up with each other before my wife dies?—Worried husband
Dear Husband,
Surely you, your wife and her sister have other relatives and/or friends with whom your wife is still on good terms and who are still on good terms with your sister-in-law. Surely at least one of them has already let your sister-in-law know about your wife’s illness, or, if not, you can arrange confidentially for one of them to do so.
It would give your wife and her sister a chance to make up with each other before it is too late if they choose to do so, and if they do not, the loss will be theirs to bear.
Dear Queenie,
Some time ago a guy I went to school with got in touch with me online. Then he called me and since then we talk at least once a week, sometimes more. Then I found out he came here to visit his family, but he didn’t let me know he was here so we could meet in person, but he still calls me.
Queenie, do you think he is married or has a girlfriend?—Confused former classmate
Dear Confused,
He could be married or have a girlfriend and still want to stay in touch with you or perhaps when he visited his family they kept him too busy to have time for you.
Tell him you are sorry you did not get to see him and ask if he will be visiting his family any time soon and if, when he does, it will be possible for the two of you to get together for at least a short visit. His response should give you some idea what to expect.
