Dear Queenie,
I’m a middle-aged divorced man who has no intention of getting married again, but it seems all the women I meet and go out with are mainly interested in finding a husband.
Queenie, how do I find women who are interested in going out with me, but not any long-term commitment?—Not interested in marriage
Dear Not interested in marriage,
If you have a dating profile, you should make that statement part of your profile, and repeat as necessary during any personal contact. Make it plain from the time you meet a woman that you will not change your mind about this (and hope that she will believe it).
Dear Queenie,
When my daughter-in-law had a baby I tried to help her out and I learned a lot about what kind of help new mothers really need. It’s not enough to hold the baby when he/she cries.
If there are older children, help with them – dress them, feed them, take them out, keep them busy when their mother is taking care of the new baby. Help with the housework and the cooking for the rest of the family. Do the grocery shopping, and be sure to ask the new mother for a list of what she wants you to buy.
Queenie, this will mean so much more to her than any cute baby gifts you give her.—Helpful mother-in-law
Dear Helpful,
Thank you for your suggestions. I am sure your daughter-in-law really appreciated the help you gave her.
Dear Queenie,
I have a grown-up daughter who still lives with me. When she needs something I take care of it, but she never does anything to help me out. She doesn’t even keep her own room clean and I had to hire someone to clean it out.
Now I am sick and need help, but she just got mad at me and refused.
Queenie, I’m too old for all this. What can I do?—Fed-up mother
Dear Mother,
If your daughter is able to get a job and live on her own, give her a deadline for moving out, or at least insist that she start paying you rent. And do not clean her room for her. Just shut the door so you do not have to see the mess and leave the cleaning up to her.
Dear Queenie,
I drive to work every morning and I give a co-worker a ride too because she doesn’t have a car, but she won’t talk to me while I’m driving. I asked her why and she said it was because one time I just slammed on the brakes and it scared her. I did that to avoid hitting a bike-rider who had swerved in front of me.
Queenie, if she doesn’t like the way I drive, why doesn’t she get another ride?—Fed-up driver
Dear Driver,
Perhaps your co-worker is just trying not to distract you from your driving. Didn’t she ask you (when it happened) why you had slammed on the brakes? Maybe if you explain this to her it will calm her down.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s brother and his wife never host family get-togethers. They have a nice house and plenty of room, so they could do it, but they don’t. It’s always up to us or their parents.
Queenie, am I expecting too much of them?—Fed-up brother-in-law
Dear Brother-in-law,
You are right, your brother-in-law and his wife should do their share of entertaining family, but it is not going to happen, so you will have to decide what events you will host and leave the rest up to your in-laws.
When you host an event you could ask your brother-in-law and his wife to help out by bringing some food and/or pitching in at your house, but that is as much as you can expect (if even that!).
