Dear Queenie,
I belong to a church social group of about a dozen women. One of the women talks all the time and never lets anyone else get in a word. If you try to interrupt her she just goes right on talking.
Last week my husband and I went to a church concert and she came and sat with us and talked the whole time, even during the performances.
It’s so bad I’m thinking of just dropping out of the group.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
At the concert you would not have been rude to tell her to hush up, because you were trying to listen to the performance.
As for the social group, someone – perhaps the minister, if you think she will heed what he says (does she talk during his sermons?) – should take this woman aside and explain to her that she must give everyone else a chance to talk.
If that does not do the trick, feel free to just walk away when you have had enough of her chatter – all of you in a group, if the others feel the same way you do. And if she follows you, you have my permission to tell her, “Shut up, Motormouth, I/we want to hear what these other ladies have to say.”
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend gets upset at the least little thing and when he does he changes completely. When he feels good he is so sweet and considerate, but when he get mad he’s just plain mean. I know he doesn’t really mean the things he says but it is really hurtful.
Queenie, should I just accept that he isn’t nice all the time?—Worried girlfriend
Dear Worried girlfriend,
That depends on whether he understands how you feel about the way he treats you and is willing to try to change his behaviour.
If he does understand and is willing to try to change, give him a chance. If not, get out before things get worse.
Dear Queenie,
Our father began drinking after our mother died and he gets drunk every day.
It wouldn’t be so bad if he just stayed home drinking, but he goes out and about driving and we’re afraid he will get into an accident and hurt himself or somebody else.
Queenie, what can we do to make him to stop drinking so much or at least stop driving when he has been drinking?—Worried children
Dear Worried children,
You cannot make him do anything. Your father must recognise that he has a problem and want to deal with it.
Contact the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous (see Agenda, page 2 of this newspaper or www.12stepforums.net online) for advice on dealing with your father and his problem. They probably will refer you to Al-Anon, which you also can contact online at www.al-anon.alateen.org .
You also might want to alert the police when you know your father is driving drunk. Getting arrested and losing his driver’s licence would stop him from driving (if he does not just go ahead and drive without a licence) and might persuade him that he has a serious problem.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend gets upset at the least little thing and when he does he changes completely. When he feels good he is so sweet and considerate, but when he get mad he’s just plain mean. I know he doesn’t really mean the things he says but it is really hurtful.
Queenie, should I just accept that he isn’t nice all the time?—Worried girlfriend
Dear Worried girlfriend,
That depends on whether he understands how you feel about the way he treats you and is willing to try to change his behaviour.
If he does understand and is willing to try to change, give him a chance. If not, get out before things get worse.
Dear Queenie,
Our father began drinking after our mother died and he gets drunk every day.
It wouldn’t be so bad if he just stayed home drinking, but he goes out and about driving and we’re afraid he will get into an accident and hurt himself or somebody else.
Queenie, what can we do to make him to stop drinking so much or at least stop driving when he has been drinking?—Worried children
Dear Worried children,
You cannot make him do anything. Your father must recognise that he has a problem and want to deal with it.
Contact the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous (see Agenda, page 2 of this newspaper or www.12stepforums.net online) for advice on dealing with your father and his problem. They probably will refer you to Al-Anon, which you also can contact online at www.al-anon.alateen.org .
You also might want to alert the police when you know your father is driving drunk. Getting arrested and losing his driver’s licence would stop him from driving (if he does not just go ahead and drive without a licence) and might persuade him that he has a serious problem.
