Dear Queenie,
I lost my husband a short while ago and I’m not ready yet to start dating, but there’s this friend of ours who keeps offering to take me out to lunch or dinner and calling and texting me and stuff like that.
I don’t want to spoil our friendship, but I really wish he’d back off and give me some space.
Queenie, how can I discourage him?—Still in mourning
Dear In mourning,
Tell him straight out what you have told me: that you are still in mourning and not ready to start socialising again.
If that spoils your friendship with him, small loss – he is not much of a friend to begin with.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is a nut about global warming. Every time he visits me he gets on about how I am wasting energy and contributing to global warming because I use airco.
The fact of the matter is I only use it when it is really hot and a fan is not enough and then I don’t turn it any colder than I absolutely have to to keep from fainting from the heat, but he says I am just making excuses, blah, blah blah.
Queenie, how do I shut him up?—Drowning in sweat
Dear Drowning,
I doubt you can.
If you can bear the heat for a little while, turn off the airco completely when this friend visits you and let him also drown in sweat. Otherwise, try to limit his visits to the time of year when you can comfortably do without airco at least briefly.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t smoke, but I’ve been dating a man who does. I like him a lot, except for his smoking because his clothes always smell of cigarette smoke and his breath is foul with it so I can’t stand kissing him.
He has asked me why I don’t want to kiss him and I make all sorts of excuses, like I have a cold or something, but he’s starting to wonder about it.
Queenie, should I tell him the truth?—Smoked out
Dear Smoked out,
By all means, tell him how his nicotine habit makes you feel. Try to do so as gently as possible, but let him know that his smoking offends you.
If he likes you well enough to try to break his habit, it will be for his own good as well as to soothe your feelings. The dangerous effects smoking can have on a person’s health are well documented, not to mention the dangers second-hand smoke pose to those around him.
Dear Queenie,
After I was dating this guy for a while I found out he already had a steady girlfriend before he started up with me, but he still kept seeing me because she wouldn’t sleep with him.
Finally I got mad about the situation and I told her about me and her boyfriend and then I dumped him, but she stuck with him and now I hear they are getting married.
Queenie, what do you think of that? I would never marry a man I knew might cheat on me because he had done it before.—Amazed
Dear Amazed,
You dumped this guy because of his behaviour towards you and his other woman. What she does about his behaviour is her business, not yours, at least not any more. Forget about both of them.
Dear Queenie,
Someone I know is getting married for the 5th time and I’ve run out of ideas for a wedding gift.
Queenie, any suggestions?—Stumped
Dear Stumped,
I would think that by now this person has everything they could need, unless they lost it all in a divorce settlement. Of course, money – or a gift certificate – is always welcome.
Whatever else you decide to give this person, I would also suggest your best wishes for a successful marriage, and perhaps the name of a good marriage counsellor!
