Dear Queenie,
Some people we know invited us to join them at a restaurant for a celebration in honour of a mutual friend who is getting married.
Afterward when we got home they called us and told us how much we owed them for the bill we left without paying. We apologised and said we had forgotten, but the truth is we assumed the hosts would be paying.
Queenie, since when are guests at a party expected pay their own way?—Stuck with a bill
Dear Stuck,
If you have to pay your own way you are a participant, not a guest, and the person(s) who invited you are not hosts, but merely organisers.
The “hosts” should have made it clear when they invited you that the event would be “Dutch treat.”
Dear Queenie,
My brother lives on another island and did not visit our parents here for years. But when our mother died he came for the funeral and carried on about how sad he was and how much he was going to miss her.
Queenie, if he missed her so much, why didn’t he ever come to see her when she was still alive? She would have loved to see him! And why bother to come for the funeral?—In mourning
Dear Mourning,
You could ask him that question, but of course it is too late to do your mother any good.
Is it possible that there was some sort of estrangement that kept him away?
Dear Queenie,
Some people I know keep sending me stupid political or religious e-mails that are full of errors and even outright lies, things I know are not true and can prove it from reliable reference sources.
I tried to show them the truth but they just said they still believed the lies.
Queenie, how do I get them to stop wasting my time with this rubbish?—Annoyed
Dear Annoyed,
Stop wasting your time trying to explain to these ignorant people the error of their beliefs. They are not interesting in anything but what they already believe.
Just delete the e-mails without even opening them.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I both have outside jobs and we don’t get home at the same time, and our kids always have lots of homework. About the only time the whole family has together is at the dinner table, but if I have to work late or get caught in traffic they sit down to eat without me and I end up eating alone.
I have asked my wife to hold dinner until I get home, but she just won’t do it.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Lonely diner
Dear Lonely,
I suggest you make a greater effort to get home in time to eat with your family. It is not fair to expect them to go hungry waiting for you to get home to eat with them, or to eat food that got cold or even spoiled because you were not there when it was ready to eat.
And when you cannot get home in time for dinner, try to schedule some other “family time.”
Dear Queenie,
My father died a few years ago and my mother insists on having a family get-together every year on his birthday to remember him. I don’t think an event that turns into a big party is a respectful way to honour the dead, but if I stay away it will seem as if I don’t care.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Still miss my Dad
Dear Miss my Dad,
Think of the event as a celebration of the fact that your father lived and made your mother happy, and try to enjoy it for her sake. You can mourn for him in private on your own time.
