Dear Queenie,

My young adult daughter was among several witnesses that were summoned to give a statement on her boyfriend of two months. Now he is in prison, his mother and the rest of the family hate her, and it is tearing her apart.

Queenie, should she have continued to hide the truth from the detectives, and do you think that honesty is really the best policy?—Caught in a complicated situation

Dear Queenie,

My niece was always one of the popular girls while my daughter was a “plain Jane brain” – good grades but not good-looking.

My niece stayed here on the island waiting for her boyfriend to come home from college, but when he did it was with another girl that he met while he was away at school.

My daughter went away to college and when she came back we almost didn’t recognise her, she had changed so much. She lost weight, let her hair grow long, and started wearing contact lenses instead of glasses.

Now my niece and her mother aren’t speaking to me or my daughter and we have heard that they are bad-mouthing us behind our backs.

Queenie, what have we done wrong and how can we fix it?—Cold-shouldered

Dear Queenie,

When you’re talking to someone with a speech problem like stuttering and you know what they’re trying to say, is it better to help them out by saying it for them or to just wait for them to get it out?—Frustrated listener

Dear Frustrated,

Wait – patiently, please!! – for them to get it out. How would you like it if someone interrupted you to finish your sentences? And who knows, you may be quite wrong about what they are trying to say, or at least about the word they are trying to use.

Dear Queenie,

My husband and I left a wedding reception before they served the dinner, because the band was playing its music so loud we couldn’t hear ourselves talk, so couldn’t make conversation with other guests and it gave me a headache.

Now the hosts are mad at us because they had to pay for our dinner anyway.

Queenie, were we rude, or were they for making it so unpleasant for their guests?—Wedding Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

It would have been more polite of you if, before you left, you had told the hosts about your discomfort and asked them to tell the band to lower the volume.

If they had obliged, you could have stayed and enjoyed the occasion. On the other hand, if they had ignored your request, they would have had no complaint about your leaving.