Dear Queenie,

My mother-in-law has never liked me and criticises everything about me – my hair, my weight, my choice of clothes, how I take care of our children – you name it, she doesn’t like it. I try to put up with it for his sake, but sometimes it’s really a bit too much.

We’re planning to visit them on our vacation, but my birthday will be during the visit and I really don’t want to spend such a happy day listening to her bitching at me. I told my husband I want spend at least that day away from his parents and now he’s vexed with me for not wanting to share it with them.

Queenie, do I really have to put up with that s**t on my birthday?—Fed up with her

Dear Fed up,

Is your husband not aware of how his mother treats you? If not, you should have made it clear to him long ago. Do so now. If he does know and still insists on including his mother on your special day, grit your teeth and suffer in silence, and make plans to celebrate the occasion – exactly how you want to – on another day after the visit with the in-laws is over.

Dear Queenie,

My mother recently got married to a man who has children of his own. What bothers me is that we don’t get treated the same way.

If they do something wrong they get a talking to and that is it. If I do something wrong I get grounded or punished in some other way.

Queenie, this just isn’t fair!—Stepchild

Dear Stepchild,

Of course it is not fair. Obviously your mother and stepfather have very different parenting styles.

Talk it over with your mother. If she and her husband can come to some agreement that is fair to all of their children, all well and good. If not, professional family counselling might help them to do so.

If necessary, talk to your school counsellor of your family doctor about it. Perhaps he/she can help them understand the seriousness of the problem and persuade them to get the help they apparently need.

Dear Queenie,

I am a college graduate with a good job in a professional office. The problem is that my mother thinks my fiancé is not good enough for me because he never went beyond high school and works as a labourer. She says our marriage doesn’t have a chance and I will end up being sorry for marrying him.

Queenie, do you think our marriage can succeed or is she right?—Worried fiancée

Dear Fiancée,

There have been many marriages of people of very different backgrounds, and just as many divorces of people who seemed to be just right for each other. It all depends on how the two of you adapt to your differences.

Ask your mother to give your fiancé a fair chance. If she refuses to do so, try to ignore her comments and go ahead with your plans. Time will tell who is right about this (and if it turns out to be your mother, be prepared for a hefty helping of “I told you so!”),

Dear Queenie,

I’m 18 and my boyfriend and I have been together for most of high school. He used to be so sweet, but lately he’s gotten so mean. He thinks he’s never wrong about anything and yells at me if I disagree with him or do anything to annoy him.

I miss how he used to be and I don’t know if I want to stay with him if he’s always going to be like this.

Queenie, am I making too much of this? Will he go back to how he used to be?—Confused

Dear Confused,

I cannot guess what has caused your boyfriend’s change of behaviour, but it is not a good sign. Even if he is under some kind of stress, if this is how he deals with it you would be better off getting out before he becomes physically abusive.

You could try talking to him about your fears at a time when he is in a calm mood. If he takes it well and agrees to get some professional counselling, your relationship may have a chance of lasting. But be prepared for him to blow up at you when you try to talk to him about it and, if he does, get out fast and stay out permanently.