Dear Queenie,
My husband and I and our children live with his mother who has been divorced for a long time.
Every so often she goes out with some of her friends and the last time she brought home a man who stayed the night. We thought it was just for that one night, but he never left.
This guy is closer to our age than hers but he doesn’t seem to have a job. He just hangs around the house eating our food and using our supplies. What’s more, he puts the moves on me while my husband and his mother are at work. I told them about it but they don’t believe me. My mother-in-law insists he is harmless.
Queenie, I’m tired of keeping my mouth shut. What should I do?—Angry wife
Dear Angry wife,
What you should NOT do is keep your mouth shut! You have children living with you and this is a very bad atmosphere for them.
You should insist that your husband stand up for you and tell his mother that if this man stays, the two of you (and her grandchildren) will find a place of your own and move out of her house. And in the meantime, start saving your money so you can afford to do so.
Dear Queenie,
I really have to write this to you.
I went to a funeral for a fireman on October 21. I was so shocked to see and hear that this man worked at the Fire Department for 35 years, that all of those years he was a Government worker putting out fires, and not one of the politicians was at the funeral!
Then the Prime Minister sent someone to read a piece of paper saying he had no water to bathe.
There were more than 100 men and women on the party lists in the recent election and not one of them showed their face at the funeral. Election over, so nobody cared. It was so empty. No one supported the firemen in their grief. It was a shame!
Queenie, I just wanted to say this.—A fire-fighter
Dear Fire-fighter,
And the politicians wonder why more people do not turn out to vote!
Dear Queenie,
My sister is vexed with me because I didn’t have a wedding shower for her when she got married or a baby shower now that she is expecting.
I didn’t do it because I always understood that is not right for family members to do this.
Queenie, was I wrong?—Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You were quite right. According to the rules of etiquette, it is not proper for family members to host such events.
It would have been correct for her other bridesmaids (I assume you were in the wedding party) and/ or friends to have thrown showers for her, in which case you could have joined in,
The next time you have occasion to give your sister a gift, give her a book on etiquette with a bookmark indicating the section on wedding and baby showers.
Dear Queenie,
There was this girl I was in love with when we were in high school. Eventually we broke up and then I went away to college and I haven’t heard anything from her since then, but our breakup still makes me sad and I have a problem when it comes to getting involved with any other girl because I still remember my first love after all these years.
Queenie, what is wrong with me?—Broken-hearted
Dear Broken-hearted,
You are having trouble letting go of the past and you are afraid of getting hurt again. This is not an unusual feeling, but it is necessary to outgrow it and give yourself a chance to develop new – hopefully more lasting – relationships. Yes, you may get hurt again, but as you become more mature you will learn to deal with the sorrow and open yourself up to the possibility of lasting happiness.
Dear Queenie,
What does it mean when a guy says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you“?—Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
That depends on the nature of your relationship.
If you have been having sex with him it probably means “I love having sex with you, but I’m not interested in a monogamous relationship.”
If you have been dating but have not had sex, it probably means he enjoys your company occasionally but does not want to take the relationship any further (possibly because he is gay?).
Or it could just be a very gentle way of breaking up with you.
