Dear Queenie,

My cousin is getting married in a couple of months. I bought a dress that I like very much to wear to the wedding that turns out to be the same colour as the bridesmaids’ dresses (but a different style).

My aunt (the bride’s mother) found out about it from my mother. She is vexed and says I should get another dress in a different colour.

Queenie, it’s a very common colour and I bet there will be other guests wearing that colour too. So should I give in and get a different dress?—Wedding guest

Dear Guest,

Your aunt is out of line to try to dictate what you should or should not wear to her daughter’s wedding as long as it is appropriately formal. Think how red her face would be if a lot – or even all – of the female guests happened to wear that colour! Would she ask them all to wear something else?

Keep your dress and enjoy the wedding.

Dear Queenie,

Recently my young adult daughter found herself in a predicament. After a falling out with a male friend, he decided to be vindictive. He organised a meeting between a clique of about six so-called friends and spilled everything that was said about them, turning everyone against her. He then filed a harassment complaint against her with the detectives. Not enough for him, he went to her boss and spilled the story to him. On social media she was referred to as Crazy, Disillusion, Liar and Psychotic.

Then this same young man visited my workplace claiming he was there to apologise. He said he was being dishonest about some things and would like to meet with my family to apologise. By the Grace of God in me, I have the surveillance tape with audio from my job, which I already requested, and I am thinking of sending it to her lawyer, the detectives, her boss and then the clique of friends. His actions caused severe emotional stress for her and myself.

Queenie, would that make me an unfair and unforgiving mother?—Too Considerate mother

Dear Too Considerate mother,

It might make you unforgiving, but not at all unfair.

As you describe it, this man’s behaviour was unforgivable. It may even have been punishable under the law. Your daughter’s lawyer can tell you what legal redress is available to you and the tape should be proof enough of his actions and behaviour.

Dear Queenie,

I’m a man in my 40s engaged to a much younger woman and we’re busy planning our wedding. We agree on most things, but the wedding planning is causing problems. Every time I ask how much something s going to cost she gets upset. I know it’s a very special day for a woman, especially her first marriage, but we don’t have a money tree growing in our yard.

Queenie, am I out of line or is she being a bridezilla? And is this a sign of future problems?—Not made of money

Dear Not made of money,

You are not out of line and this could very well be an indication of future problems. Disagreements about financial management are one of the commonest causes of marital problems and divorce.

The two of you need to set a budget for your wedding (and for your future life together) and stay within it.

Apparently you and your bride-to-be would benefit from some serious financial counselling and perhaps a course in budget-planning.

Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend and I have been together for several years but every time I want to talk to him about getting married and starting a family he changes the subject.

Queenie, I can’t wait forever. What do you suggest?—Lady-in-waiting

Dear Lady,

You will have to resign yourself to the status quo or give him a deadline for marriage – and mean it. So if it is the latter, be prepared to walk out (or kick him out) and find someone else if he does not come through for you.