Dear Queenie,
My husband never remembers special days like our anniversary or my birthday or Mothers Day. He doesn’t even remember his own birthday or Fathers Day unless I remind him!
It is so disappointing that he doesn’t care enough about me or about our marriage to celebrate these special days. I hate having to remind him, it’s like I am begging him for a little attention.
Queenie, is there some way to improve his memory?—Disappointed wife
Dear Wife,
I wonder if that is the way your husband was brought up, or did he develop a poor memory after you were married? Does he seem to care if you fail to remind him about his own birthday? And, have you talked to him about this issue – explained to him how much it means to you to celebrate these special days?
I suggest two possible solutions: take advantage of the “calendar” feature on your computer, smart phone and/or other electronic device(s) to remind your husband of dates you consider important; or, make your own arrangements for whatever celebration you would enjoy on any “special day” and make a big point of thanking him for sharing the celebration with you.
He may get the point eventually, but even if his memory does not improve, you will have your celebrations.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend works the 4:00pm to midnight shift and I worry about him driving home at night because his night vision is not so good. He doesn’t see as well in the dark and the glare from other cars’ headlights really bothers him.
He would rather work a day shift, but that doesn’t work out where he works and with jobs so hard to find these days he is afraid of losing the one he has.
Queenie, what to do?—Worried girlfriend
Dear girlfriend,
I suppose it would be hard for your boyfriend to catch a bus at the time he gets off work, but maybe he could take a bus to work and you could pick him up at the end of his shift, or he could get a lift from a co-worker, or maybe make an arrangement with a taxi driver. Your boyfriend might be able to arrange a special price if the driver knows he has a dependable regular fare.
Dear Queenie,
My husband was killed in a car accident and I was in the hospital for several weeks.
After I recovered from my injuries I started talking to a friend of the family who is going through a divorce. We visit each other all the time and talk about our different problems for hours and I have fallen in love with him and I think he has fallen in love with me.
Queenie, I feel guilty because it’s so soon after my husband’s death. What do you advise?—Young widow
Dear Widow,
I advise taking things very slowly – and professional counselling to help you sort out your feelings.
If what you are feeling is love, not dependence on someone who also depends on you for mutual support in a time of great need, it will grow with time and eventually both of you will know without doubt just what you are (or are not) feeling.
Dear Queenie,
My wife died some years ago and I am ready to start dating again. My niece got divorced and also is ready to start dating again. I asked her out, but she said it wouldn’t be right because we’re related. I say it’s okay because she is my late wife’s brother’s daughter so we’re not blood relatives.
Queenie, what do you say?—Hopeful uncle
Dear Uncle,
I believe you are legally correct, but you might want to check with your lawyer on that aspect of the situation. However, it is more important that your niece is not comfortable with the idea of dating someone she considers a relative, so I say it would be better to look elsewhere.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s mother talks all the time during any kind of performance. If we try to shut her up she claims she wasn’t talking, she was commenting on the performance.
We have tried to explain that we are trying to hear the performance and when she is “making a comment” she is talking, and ask her to save her comments for after it’s over, but she just gets mad at us and won’t stop talking.
Queenie, can you think of a way we can shut her up?—Disgusted son-in-law
Dear Son-in-law,
Did you ever hear the saying “You cannot teach an old dog new tricks”? The same goes for your mother-in-law. Frankly, I am surprised no one else has ever asked her to shut up, especially if the performances you mention are public ones, as in a theatre.
Your choices are limited: Learn to put up with her chit-chat, do not take her with you to any kind of performance, or arrange to sit as far away from her as possible.
