Dear Queenie,
I dated a certain boy when we were in high school, but we broke up and he got married to someone else. Later we met up again and had an affair and 2 children, but he wouldn’t leave his wife and I had to raise the kids alone.
Now, 25 years later, he is separated from his wife and we got back together again. He asked me to marry him when his divorce goes through, but it’s been 2 years now and all l have is an engagement ring. He says it’s because his wife is holding up the divorce.
Queenie, how much longer should I have to wait for him?—Lady in waiting
Dear Lady,
He may or may not be telling you the truth about the delay in his divorce. Either way, I would say 25 years is more than long enough.
Dear Queenie,
What do you think about older women dating younger men? I mean, we’re both fully adult (I’m middle-aged and he’s in his 30s), but I’m old enough to be his mother.
My family doesn’t have a problem with us as a couple, but his family does.
Queenie, do you think we could make a go of it?—Cougar
Dear Cougar,
I do not see why not, unless he wants children. That could be a problem at your age.
Dear Queenie,
My father has a habit of touching my hand or arm all the time when he is talking to me. I don’t like it I’ve asked him not to do it, but he just goes on doing it.
Queenie, is this usual behaviour or should I be really offended?—Touch-me-not
Dear Touch-me-not,
This may just be a sign of affection, or it may be that he feels he needs to do it to keep your attention on whatever he is saying. Try to focus more intently on your father when he is talking to you. Look straight at him, listen to him carefully and respond appropriately to what he is saying, and see if that does not help.
Dear Queenie,
What’s wrong with women?
A woman I dated was a real feminist, so I gave her a book about the feminist movement and she got mad at me because it meant I expected something more from her.
Another time when I was in a relationship with a girl for several months I told her how much in love with her I was and she got mad and said she didn’t want to be tied down. I wasn’t asking for anything in return, I just wanted to tell her how I felt.
Later I started dating again and met a wonderful woman I liked so much I sent her flowers where she worked. She got mad too.
Queenie, don’t women believe in romance anymore? Or what is wrong with me?—Bewildered
Dear Bewildered,
I do not think there is anything wrong with you, but apparently your approach to women is “too much too soon.” Real life is not the same as the things you read in books or see on TV or in the movies.
Try taking more time to get to know a woman before “coming on strong” the way you have described. And sending romantic gestures to a woman’s workplace is not usually a good idea. Many women prefer to keep their private lives private where they work.
Dear Queenie,
My big brother used to molest me when I was little. When my parents finally found out they tried to defend him and insisted that now he is grown up he will never do anything like that again.
Now he is married and I am afraid if they have children he will molest them like he did me. My parents don’t want me to say anything to his wife for fear of breaking up their marriage.
Queenie, what should I do?—Brother’s victim
Dear Victim,
By all means tell your sister-in-law before they have children. She should know what kind of protection her children will require. And perhaps fear of losing his wife will persuade your brother to get professional counselling to try to overcome, or at least learn to control, his base impulses.
