Dear Queenie,

My father went away to college after he got my mother pregnant and after he graduated he got a job in the United States and she never heard from him again.

Now I’m all grown up and married with children and he’s retired and he’s come back here to live and all of a sudden he wants to make up for lost time and get to know me and his grandkids.

Queenie, he didn’t care anything about me when I was growing up but now he expects me to be a loving son. How do I get him to just leave me alone like he has always done?—Not interested

Dear Not interested,

Tell him what you have told me. Repeat as often and as emphatically as necessary. However, you first might want to listen to his version of why he never kept in touch with you and your mother. You might learn something interesting, something that might change your poor opinion of him.

Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and we have a child together and are planning on getting married.

A while ago we had some problems and separated for a while. During the time we were separated I dated another guy even though my boyfriend and I were still very much in touch.

Eventually my boyfriend and I worked out our problems and got back together and I stopped seeing the other guy, but now my boyfriend doesn’t trust me that I only want to be with him. He checks up on me all the time and we fight a lot about this.

I have told him I wouldn’t have agreed to get married if I wasn’t going to be faithful to him, and he says he loves me with all his heart, but still he has a problem trusting me and I don’t want to live like this forever.

Queenie, should I marry him and hope things will get better?—Distrusted

Dear Distrusted,

I suggest you make your engagement a long one – long enough to give your fiancé enough time to rebuild his trust in your ability to remain faithful to him. And by the way, just what was he doing while the two of you were separated?

Dear Queenie,

My son is what they call a chain-smoker and a careless one. He drops cigarette ash everywhere and there are burn holes in some of his clothes and his furniture. What’s worse is that he and his wife have small children and he smokes around them.

I’m worried that – God forbid! – he might start a fire or he will get cancer or lung disease from smoking and that the smoke might make his wife and their children sick too.

Queenie, is there anything I can do?—Worried mother

Dear Mother,

Have you talked to your son about your fears? If not, do so at once – for all the good it may do, because smoking is a very difficult addiction to break. However, there are many effective aids for those who want to break this habit. If he is willing to try, your son should consult his family doctor for suggestions.

And have a serious talk with your daughter-in-law too. As you say, her health and that of her children is also at risk and if your son is willing to make the effort to stop smoking her help and support could make the difference between

Dear Queenie,

I live with my Mom but my Dad pays for my support and for my cell phone.

My problem is that whenever I visit him my Dad insists on checking out my cell phone to see what’s on it. There’s never anything bad, but he still insists on seeing it.

When I complained that this is an invasion of my privacy he said he wants to see what he is paying for and if I don’t like it I should pay for the cell phone myself.

Queenie, how can I get him to respect my privacy?—Disrespected daughter

Dear Daughter,

You do not say how old you are, but if your father is still paying for your support you must still be in your teens and, because you do not live with him, no doubt he feels the need to exercise some supervision over your behaviour.

He has a point. If you are old enough to demand respect for your privacy, you are old enough to find a way to pay for your cell phone yourself. By doing so, you will demonstrate a reassuring level of maturity and responsibility.