Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 50s and I’ve been dating a much younger man. We have been sleeping together but we are both dating other (but not sleeping with them). We are in love and he said he would marry me if I wasn’t so much older than he is. It’s not that he wants children, he just feels funny about the age difference.
Queenie, should I wait until he feels better about it? Or what should I do?—Cougar in love
Dear Cougar,
He is in love with you, but not willing to marry a much older woman. If you can live happily with him in your life, but not as your husband, go for it. If you cannot, end it.
Dear Queenie,
Some time ago a friend of mine was having money troubles and I lent him a good amount of money. Up to now he has never even tried to pay me back.
Now he is planning what looks to be a very expensive wedding on another island and I am invited, but I don’t plan to go, especially now after the hurricanes.
Queenie, would it be okay to send him a note writing off the loan instead of a wedding gift?—Wedding Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Because you are not going to attend the wedding you are not obligated to give the happy couple a gift. Send them a card or note of congratulations and forget about the loan.
Dear Queenie,
My little grandson cannot figure out how come both his father’s mother and I (his mother’s mother) have the same name – “Grandma.”
Queenie, how do we explain this to him?—Mom’s mom
Dear Grandma,
First, you can explain to him that there are many people in the world who have the same or similar names, but that will not reduce his confusion. For one thing, he may be trying to figure out how to tell which one of you someone is talking about, or to indicate which one he is talking to or about in normal conversation.
A simple solution many people use is to refer to grandparents by title+name – “Grandma Kate” and “Grandma Mary.” Or, if both you and his other grandma happen to have the same given name, “Grandma Smith” and “Grandma Jones.”
Dear Queenie,
My 26-year-old son is dating a girl who has much less education than anyone in our family. She is working as a waitress to pay her college tuition but even then she will be under-educated, according to my husband, and won’t have many prospects for a well-paying career.
I think she is very nice and I can see how much she loves our son and I think she will make him a good wife, but my husband thinks she is totally unsuitable and that we should try to get him to break up with her and find someone better.
Queenie, what do you say?—Concerned mother
Dear Mother,
From your description your son’s girlfriend is ambitious enough to work her way through college and very much in love with your adult son. This decision is up to him and if you bad-mouth his choice in any way you will only turn him away from you and towards her. Tell your snobby husband to hold his peace or risk losing his son.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t know if my little sister has a crush on my husband or what, but she is always going to him to cry on his shoulder about problems she is having and ask for advice. She never comes to me, her big sister, only to him.
Queenie, how do I get her to leave him alone?—Mifted
Dear Mifted,
Maybe your sister regards your husband, her “brother-in-law,” as a “big brother” and goes to him because he is older than you and therefore (presumably) wiser, or maybe she just wants a man’s perspective on the problem at hand.
Whatever the reason, if you can trust your husband not to be tempted, relax. If you cannot trust him that way ... you do have a problem, and it is not your sister!
