Dear Queenie,
When my father comes to visit me and my husband he goes through everything in the house, including personal things, wherever he finds them, including our bedroom. If he finds anything he thinks needs fixing he goes to work on it, whether we ask him to or not.
We have asked him not to do this and to have some respect for our privacy, but he refuses to even try to understand and just keeps pointing out how much he does for us.
Queenie, we love him and want to have him in our lives, but this is just too much! What do you advise?—Invaded
Dear Invaded,
Your father apparently feels so much at home in your home that he forgets that you are no longer children he needs to check up on. You may have to go so far as to put a lock on the door of every room you do not want him to go into.
As for the repair work he does, pick out in advance some fix-it projects to keep him busy, and be grateful to him (and be sure to thank him!) for saving you the trouble and, possibly, the expense.
Dear Queenie,
I have a coffee table in front of my sofa and sometimes guests will put their feet up on it. I use this table for snacks, not to mention that sometimes their shoes cause damage to the finish on the table.
Queenie, what’s a polite way to tell people to keep their feet on the floor where they belong?—Feet on the floor Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You simply say as sweetly as you can manage, “Please do not put your feet up on my coffee table.”
But it would also help if you provide them with a footstool, or cover the table with a protective cloth and give the person something like a pillow or cushion to put under his or her feet.
Dear Queenie,
My kids are in primary school and starting to ask questions about the difference between boys and girls.
Queenie, when should I start telling them about sex and where babies come from and things like that?—Embarrassed mother
Dear mother,
Now is when you should start giving them this information, but do not overload them with things they are not ready for. Answer their questions as briefly and specifically as you can. If they want to more than you have told them, they probably will ask – make sure to let them know you are ready and willing to answer any other questions they may have.
If you are not certain you have the correct information, do some research on-line. There are several good websites and/or printed publications that offer excellent help with this subject. You could also ask your family doctor and/or your children’s school counsellor for recommendations.
Dear Queenie,
I was dating this woman I really liked but I was careful not to come on too strong so as not to offend her – just a hug and a kiss on her cheek to say goodnight when I took her home. I thought she really liked me too, but after a few dates that I thought went just great she stopped answering my calls and texts.
Queenie, did I do something wrong?—Ghosted
Dear Ghosted,
Either this woman did not like you as much as you thought, or the problem was not so much that you did something wrong as that you did not do something right.
It is true that women do not like to be pressured into accepting or doing things they do not want, but this does not mean things that might be of that sort should never be offered. What this means is that when you offer such things you must be prepared to take “No” for an answer without pressing the matter and without taking offence.
My guess is that this woman really did like you as much as you thought, but when you never even tried to go beyond a light hug and a kiss on her cheek she thought you were rather wimpy or were not really that interested in her and therefore not worth wasting her time on.
Another time, I suggest you try being just a little more aggressive with a woman you “really like,” while being prepared to back off immediately and without taking offence if/when she pushes you away, backs away from your advances or says “No.”
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I broke up some time ago and don’t live together anymore, but for financial reasons we are not getting a divorce. So how do I refer to myself when the question comes up in conversation? I’m not a divorcee and I’m not single, but “married” doesn’t seem quite right either.
Queenie, what would be the correct term?—Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
Just say you are “separated” or “permanently separated” from your husband. You do not have to go into detail about why you and your husband are not divorced or in the process of getting divorced, if you do not want to.
