Dear Queenie,
I met up with a woman I knew in high school one night when I was out with some friends. She gave me her number when I asked for it and said I should call her and we could plan to get together and talk about old times, but every time I call she is busy doing something and says I should call back later, or she has something scheduled for the night I suggest going out.
If I don’t reach her when I call she never calls back, even though I leave a message with my number, and she hasn’t once called me first, even though I know she has my number because I give it to her every time I leave a message.
Queenie, am I just wasting my time?—Confused
Dear Confused,
I would say so. My guess is that she was just making polite conversation when she talked about “getting together and talking about old times.”
You have made the first move (and the second, third, fourth ...). Now leave it up to her to call you – but do not stay by the phone holding your breath waiting for her call.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is rather large, if you know what I mean. One day when we were shopping for clothes she tried on a shirt and it ripped and she had to pay for it. Later on she asked me if I thought she was too fat.
Well, Queenie, she is, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. What could I have said?—Fatty’s friend
Dear Friend,
You could have asked her what size was the shirt she ripped. Then when she told you, you could have told her she needed a couple of sizes bigger. Hopefully, she would have gotten the point without actually being told she is fat.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend is expecting a baby and I am very happy for her even though I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years but haven’t been able to yet.
Her family held a baby shower for her and I would have expected to be invited, but I wasn’t.
Queenie, should I ask her why not or just let it go?—Offended friend
Dear Friend,
There could be several reasons you did not receive an invitation. The event might have been for family only. The invitation could have gotten lost in the mail – especially these days! The person who sent out the invitations could have gotten your address wrong or accidentally left you off the list. Your friend might have thought you would find a baby shower upsetting because you have not been able to have a baby of your own.
For all you know, your friend might have expected to see you there and while you are wondering why you were not invited, she may be wondering why you did not attend. By all means ask her about this – casually, please. Do not make a big issue of it.
Dear Queenie,
I’m getting married early next year and I’m worried about my sister, who has a habit of making a scene if she thinks no one is paying enough attention to her. I can’t just not invite her – after all, she is my sister.
But Queenie, how do I keep her under control?—Bride-to-be
Dear Bride-to-be,
You could plan to give her her “moment in the sun” by making a speech thanking her for all the support and assistance she has given you over the years and in planning your wedding (never mind how accurate this assessment is) and hope that will be enough for her.
Or (and) you could ask a couple of family members or close friends to act as “bodyguards,” keeping her distracted and, hopefully, under control.
And if none of that works, just keep calm throughout any outburst from her and (as cheerfully as you can manage) tell the rest of your guests, “Well, that is my sister!”
Dear Queenie,
I’m divorced and I’ve started dating again. My question is, I have a son who is 9 years old and I’m not sure when I should introduce him to someone I’m dating.
Queenie, when is the right time?—Single mom
Dear Mom,
It depends on several factors. How mature is your son for his age? Does he know you are dating?
The men you date should know from the very beginning that you have a son. Any man who is scared off by that fact is not worth the time it would take to get to know him.
Your son should know when you go out that it is with a “date,” a man you are seeing at least casually. If you see the man often, your son may be curious about him. On the other hand, you do not want him to become attached to someone who may not be around for very long. Only you can decide when it is time for them to meet in person, and on what basis.
