Dear Queenie,
I am a single woman with a young son and I would like to have a man in my life, but when I meet a man I don’t know how to let him know about my son and when I start going out with a man I don’t intend to bring him into my son’s life until we have been going together for at least a year and not unless we are getting serious about each other. Meanwhile, I’m not sure what to do.
Queenie, what can you suggest?—Lonely single mom
Dear Lonely single mom,
It is a good idea not to bring various men into your son’s life, but do not be in a hurry to find someone to get serious about.
Get involved in community activities such as volunteer work, church, civic organisations where you can make friends and meet interesting men. As you get to know people it will come up naturally that you have a young child, and if/when you get serious about someone it will be time to introduce him and your son to each other.
Dear Queenie,
My boss is always nagging at one of my co-workers without reason. I would like to stand up for him, but I don’t want put my own (good!) relationship with my boss at risk.
Queenie, what should I do?—Worried co-worker
Dear Worried co-worker,
If your place of work has a Human Resources Department, this issue should be brought to their attention. If there is no HR Department, but your boss has a supervisor over him, perhaps that person could help resolve this issue. Other than that, there is not much you can do without, as you say, putting your own relationship with your boss at risk.
Basically, it is up to your co-worker to deal with his problem, if it bothers him as much as it bothers you. Is it possible there is a reason for this situation that you don’t know about, such as a personal relationship?
Dear Queenie,
My mother died a few months ago and while we were clearing out her things my Dad found some letters she had saved from when she was a girl, before she ever met him. They were from a boy she dated in high school.
Now all Dad can talk about is how Mom was unfaithful to him in her heart by keeping the letters. He says if she had really loved him she wouldn’t have kept the letters to remember someone else.
Queenie, I don’t know what to say to him. Help!—Daughter in mourning
Dear Daughter in mourning,
Your father is also in mourning and is not thinking entirely rationally. He is probably also angry at your mother for “leaving” him, a normal stage of the grief process, and because he knows she didn’t leave him voluntarily, he is using the letters as an excuse for his anger.
Tell him it is normal for women to keep mementoes of happy times in their youth. It was probably not the boy she remembered, but her young days and the feeling of first love. Tell him also that she probably had forgotten she had the letters, and if she had forgotten them, she had also forgotten the boy who wrote them.
Hi Queenie!
In a column you once wrote, a young woman is in search for a “real man.”
Well, guess what! I am a serious young man and I'm interested in meeting “Single and searching.” From what I read “Single and searching” has the qualities I'm looking for in a woman.
Please, Queenie, link this info to “Single and searching” so I can meet her. I appreciate you doing this very much!—Interested young man
Dear Interested young man and all
the other men who wrote similar letters,
As I have said before, my column is not a dating service and I never give out names, addresses or other personal information of the people who write to me; not in the newspaper, not by mail or e-mail or word of mouth or any other way. Never!
If you want to make contact with Single and Searching, you could run an ad in the newspaper. If she is interested, she can then make contact with you.
This is the last letter I will publish about Single and Searching.
Dear Queenie,
For the past year I have been involved with a woman from this island. I am from another island. We have many quarrels frequently. Despite the arguing we try to patch things up. But there are times when I think I should just throw in the towel.
I am very frustrated, I have no permanent papers and thus no job. I feel worthless as I have always been a young lady to support myself. Whenever I ask her about how my papers are going it turns into a disagreement. I wonder if it would be best to just go back to my country where I am sure of the procedures to get a job.
Queenie, I just need a second opinion on what to do; go back to my island, or stay in St. Maarten unemployed and unsure of the legal procedures and be patient while feeling stuck?—Jobless
Dear Jobless,
You do not say what kind of involvement you have with this lady. Is it romantic, or purely a matter of business, or both? Obviously it will be easier for you to “throw in the towel” if you have no emotional attachment to her.
Whatever the relationship is, it seems equally obvious to me that she is just “stringing you along.” Meanwhile, your position here is very precarious, to say the least. You could be detained by the authorities at any time for staying here illegally, and be sent back to your own country.
It would be better for you to leave now, before you are forced to leave and are given a black mark on your record. If this woman has any feelings or consideration for you, she will arrange for you to come back. If not, you are better off making the break sooner than later.
