Dear Queenie,

  I have an older sibling who has kids ages 15 and 5, living with me and other family members. I have a  mortgage with my other sibling and together we take care of our unemployed parents and responsibilities of the house.

  My older sibling is a three-time divorcee and we help her with the kids as much as we can, even though we do not have enough space to accommodate her, the kids and her belongings.

  We have had this experience of her moving in and out several times and the other family members just got tired of it. We have warned her many times after her first divorce to save something on the side should this happen again, but she hasn’t .

  I have extreme resentment towards her. We only charge her pocket change to assist with the house bills so that she can concentrate on getting herself back on her feet and find her own place. It is now 9 years that she and the kids are living with us and she refuses to leave because she says that she does not earn as much as me and that I should find a place for her to live in.

  She claims she sought assistance everywhere (low income housing, financial aid, etc.) but it was not successful.

  Queenie, any input or advice would be greatly appreciated.—Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

  As long as you continue to let your older sibling live with you rent-free she will continue to take advantage of your generosity, because she will have no motivation to do otherwise. The fact that she does not earn as much as you do does not give her the right to sponge off of her more fortunate relatives and does not give you any obligation to her.

  To start with, you should be charging her a reasonable amount of rent – more than mere pocket change. If you do not feel right about taking her money, put it in a savings account (one that she does not have access to) to be used for finding her someplace else to live and paying the cost of moving there.

  You might also accompany her on her quest for assistance, and/or do some research about it on her behalf. You did not mention whether she is receiving child support from her children’s father(s). If she is not, she should be, as long as the children are underage.

  And I hope she is at least helping with the physical work – housework, for example – of maintaining a home.

Dear Queenie,

  Our grown-up daughter still lives with us even though she has a full-time job and could afford a place of her own. She doesn’t help around the house and when I ask her to do something she always has an excuse not to, and my husband, her father, says she shouldn’t have to because she works full-time and we are retired, so I end up doing all the housework.

  Queenie, do you agree with him?—Retired mother

Dear Mother,

  No. If your daughter has a job, she should be paying rent, plus something for the food she eats, or she should be helping with the housework.

  If her father does not agree with this, let him do the housework for a while and then see if he still feels the same way.

Dear Queenie,

  I have always been independent and since I graduated college I have had good jobs and lived on my own without any help from my parents.

  However, my brother still lives with them and depends on them for almost everything. Sometimes  he gets a low-paying or part-time job but it usually doesn’t last very long.

  Queenie, I know this is really up to my parents, but should I maybe say something about it?—Disgusted brother

Dear Brother,

  You could point out to  your parents that they are not doing your brother any favour by allowing him to remain dependent on them.

  However, have you considered the possibility that your brother may have some medical or psychological problem that prevents him from being able to live on his own?

  You might also discuss with your parents what will become of your brother when they are no longer able – or around – to take care of him.

Dear Queenie,

  A friend of mine had an affair and had a child with his byside so he left his wife to be with her and the child.

  However, after a while he realized that she was abusive and trying to control him and she wouldn’t let him have a relationship with his other children, so he went back to his wife.

  Now the ex-byside won’t let him see their child and she tells everyone lies about what a terrible person he is. He thinks he has to put up with all this because he cheated on his wife.

  Queenie, shouldn’t he be able to defend himself?—A friend of his

Dear Friend,

  When you hear any of the lies, be sure to tell everyone the truth about your friend. But do not say anything bad about the ex-byside. Once people know the truth about your friend, they will also be able to see the truth about her.