Dear Queenie,
My sister was married to a man who cheated on her and they got divorced. Now she is going with a married man who says he is going to divorce his wife so he can marry my sister. She says this time things will be different.
Queenie, is there anything I can do to stop her?—Worried brother
Dear Brother,
Some people do not learn from experience and seem doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again. You can point out to your sister that a man who cheats on his wife probably will cheat on his byside, even after (if) she becomes his wife. However, your sister probably will not want to listen to you.
All you can do is be there for her if things go wrong – and try to refrain from telling her “I told you so”.
And there is always the possibility that this new man could be the right one for her.
Dear Queenie,
There is this woman where I work who is much older than I am (I’m 21) but we have become good friends. She has a lot of problems in her marriage. Her husband is jealous and domineering and she thinks he cheats on her, but he doesn’t want a divorce and if she moves out he will not let her see their children.
Queenie, I really care for this woman. Is there any way I can help her?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
Your problem is not the difference in your and your friend’s ages, but the fact that you are still too young to have the experience you would need to give this woman the help she needs.
The best thing you can do for her is to suggest she seek professional help – counselling, and perhaps a lawyer.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is away at college and I will be going there too when I finish high school. But until then I am very lonely.
There is this other boy here that I like spending time with and we are getting to be very close friends, but just friends, nothing more. However, I can imagine that there could be something more for us if I didn’t have my faraway boyfriend.
Queenie, is this what they call “emotional cheating”?—Lonely girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
You are a bit young to have an exclusive relationship. Both you and your “faraway boyfriend” should be free to gain experience by dating many other people before you make an exclusive commitment.
Dear Queenie,
My cousins and I used to get together a lot but the last couple of years not at all. A while ago I found out they were still getting together, but not with me.
Queenie, I really miss seeing them. Should I ask them why or just ignore them like they do me?—Left out
Dear Left out,
Who used to plan these get-togethers? Is it possible that your cousins are waiting for you to set one up and if you do not, they think you do not want to see them?
Call them and ask. At least then you will know the reason, and if there is a problem you will know what it is.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I got married after we dated for about 6 months. He comes from another country where customs are much different than in my country. We like different things and doing different things and we don’t agree about what things we should be doing together. Even our ideas about lovemaking are different.
We live together, but it’s more like we are roommates than husband and wife.
Queenie, is there any chance we will come to agree more?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
Have you tried talking to your husband about this? Are you unable to do so and/or is he unwilling, and is that one of your differences? If so, a professional counsellor might be able to help the two of you overcome it.
However, it is a pity you did not take longer to get to know this man better before you married him. Yours is a good example of the meaning of that old saying “Marry in haste, repent at leisure.”
