Dear Queenie,
My parents live in the United States and visit us a couple of times a year. They usually stay with us and expect us to entertain them and take them places while they are here.
This year they are planning one of their visits for just the time my children will be getting ready for their exams, but I don’t want the kids distracted from their studying.
I told my parents all this and asked them to change the date of their visit, but they insist on coming right then.
Queenie, how can I get them to change their plans?—Reluctant host
Dear Host,
You parents may have very good reasons for choosing that date, but you have a very good reason for not being able to play host.
Tell your parents that if they insist on coming at that time you are sorry, but they cannot stay with you, and you and the children will not be free to entertain them. Give them the names of several hotels and guesthouses where they can stay, and a list of day trips they can take and places of interest they can visit, and tell them you hope they enjoy their trip and look forward to seeing them the next time they come.
Dear Queenie,
My brothers and I together own a summer house where we get together every year for a family reunion. Every year one brother invites a friend that no one else likes to one of our barbecues. We have asked him not to, but he says as one of the owners he can invite anyone he wants to.
Queenie, who is right?—Kid sister
Dear Sister,
Technically your brother is right. However, it would be considerate of him to ask the rest of you whether it is okay for him to invite this friend to family occasions, and if you object, to invite that friend only when the rest of you are not going to be present.
Dear Queenie,
I thought my girlfriend who lives with me might be cheating on me, but when I tried to talk to her about it she got mad at me for being so suspicious, so I “accidentally” left my cell phone turned on on recording one morning when I went to work and sure enough, as soon as I was gone she called this other man and from all what she said I know she is having sex with him, so now I have proof she is cheating on me.
I’m not proud of what I did and I know she’ll be mad at me, but now I know I was right.
Queenie, what do I do next?—Angry boyfriend
Dear Angry boyfriend,
Your girlfriend will not stop cheating, and will continue to blame you for being suspicious – and for getting proof of your suspicions. Show her the proof, tell her it is over between you, give her a deadline for moving out and do not let her talk you out of it.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a guy who is only here a couple of weeks a month. He calls and texts all the time and says how much he misses me when he is away, and he often asks me how I feel about him.
I found out that he’s been seeing another woman on another island where he goes for his job and when I asked him about her he said he liked her a lot but she lives too far away for more than occasional dates.
I said he wasn’t being fair to either of us and he said he’s not married to either of us and he will continue to call me and see me until I tell him not to.
Queenie, should I go on dating him?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
I am assuming this man is not married to some woman other than you and the other woman you mention, so as a single man he is free to call and date as many women as he chooses until he makes a commitment to one of them.
It would seem this guy is the kind of man who thrives on many women’s attention. If you are willing to accept this, go on dating him. If you are not, demand a clear, firm commitment from him and if he is not willing to make such a commitment – and keep it! – dump him.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who always interrupts when I am saying something or telling a story. I would tell her to shut up and let me talk, but I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to annoy my other friends who are her friends too.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Fed-up friend
Dear Fed-up friend,
Are you the only one she does this to?
If she does it to everyone, you can ask her (as politely as you can manage) to be quiet and let you or whoever is talking finish what you or they are saying.
But if it is just you, you might consider whether you talk too much and/or take too long to say whatever it is you are saying.
