Agitated girlfriend

Dear Queenie,

  I have a boyfriend that I truly adore, I’ve never felt this way before. We have no problems, everything is great. I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend, but his mother is the problem.

  The first red flag was when I found out that she had him showering with her underwear, and he saw nothing wrong in this. Now imagine being in the shower with your man and you have a rag but he has his mother’s panty.

  The second red flag was about his money. She is young and healthy with her own man who she is living with and decided on her own that she does not want to work anymore but wants to feed off of her son’s money. She goes on trips and expects him to fund her lavish lifestyle. She expects him to buy her whatever she wants, when she wants and she has her own man and an older son that she does the complete opposite with.

  Again, he is a genuine person and sees nothing wrong in this issue. I’ve told him about it in the nicest way possible because I know it’s his mother and I don’t want him to think that I am jealous of how he acts towards her, but it makes me feel very uncomfortable. It also makes me feel like we are sharing a man.

  Queenie, What should I do? Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I overreacting or overthinking?—Agitated girlfriend


Dear Girlfriend,

  To begin with, keep in mind that this is the woman who raised the “boyfriend that you truly adore.” If he is so great, there must be something good about her and the way she raised him.

  Then, yes, there are the red flags you have mentioned. (As for the shower, was he using his mother’s panty as a washcloth, or wearing it? Two different areas of concern.)

  You should keep on talking to your boyfriend about your concerns. And professional counselling, if you can persuade him to go with you, might help him see that these issues are of concern, and, whether he goes with you or not, help you decide how you want to deal with them.